Janey Godley: Poor public service can be a real slap in the face

Published on Sunday 23 November 2008 18:09

THE recession is in full swing, people are worried about their jobs and I, for one, am trying to being nice to everyone. Comedy is not free from redundancy; even though the country is in dire need of a laugh, we are all treading carefully.

Yet in the UK, we still have that nasty attitude in our service industry. Last week on the way home from London I was treated to the snippy attitude of at least three twits who were supposed to be there to help and serve the public.

The first was a station guard woman in the London Underground, who completely ignored me as I begged for help trying to get my case through the barrier. She looked like the kind of woman who could set fire to a tree with her mood swings alone.

“What do you want me to do, lady?” she screamed at me, as I jammed the turnstile and created a queue behind me.

“Help me, that’s what I wanted you to do!” I shouted back and she threatened to have me evicted from the station. Apparently I was being aggressive for answering her question.

Finally I made it to Heathrow, where a member of the airline staff accidentally but very physically slapped me in the face from behind as he was waving his arms about; he was either impersonating a windmill or explaining his love life, I am not sure which.

No hint of an apology came out of his surly gob. I stared at him and waited for him to address the assault; he merely walked away. Imagine what would have happened if I had slapped him?

The third incident happened in the newsagent shop at Terminal One. I wanted to buy a book, as I fancied a good read to pass the time; little did I know waiting to be served would fill my day instead. The man behind the counter blatantly ignored me and carried on chatting on the phone.

Despite my waves and exaggerated gasps, he glared at me, turned his back and whispered the conversation instead. I walked out wishing I had the guts to just steal the book, but I didn’t.

After all the stress on this journey I fully expected to be punched into my seat by angry cabin staff on the airline. Those people look stressed most of the time, due to the tight nature of the twisted buns they have to pin their hair into; even the men look cranky and they don’t have to wear heels. But they were nice and smiley, which brightened my wearisome day.

Listen up, people. Jobs are scarce, some folk are desperate to hang on to their wages – be nice – there’s a recession on!

Real-life pirates not so sexy

LAST week, a giant Saudi oil tanker was seized by pirates in the Indian Ocean near the coast of Somalia. I loved the idea of pirates still ruling the ocean waves. It sounded romantic and roguish. Men with eye-patches, raggedy clothing and dark smouldering eyes; who could resist a Johnny Depp-alike with a bandana?

But then the news bulletins called the pirates hijackers and terrorists. Suddenly it all sounded sordid, frightening and evil. Pirates capture ships, drink rum, steal gold doubloons and jewels; terrorists hijack planes and kill people.

Pirates are romanticised and glamorised in our culture; kids dress up as pirates. But no-one in their right mind would allow their child to dress up as a terrorist.

Hopefully, the captives on the ship will be released safely and the terrorists jailed so that pirates can go back to being sexy.

Just as long as she doesn’t rap about good luck

MY DAUGHTER Ashley can rap like a proper hardcore gangsta rap star. I never knew she could swear that much but, when you make it rhyme, it doesn’t sound that bad at all. She explained that rap is like poetry and has many political messages that resonate with the young hip, people of today.

She went to see Dizzee Rascal in Glasgow last week and came home singing in a hippity-hoppity style.

She does a song about Gordon Brown, which rhymes perfectly with down, frown, clown and town. It only went wrong when she said him being a Prime Minister was a stunt.

You can guess the rest yourself.

&#149 www.janeygodley.co.uk