Hymns, lies and videotape

SCENE: a parish church in midwinter. BBC cameras are filming Songs of Praise. Snow is falling outside. The sound of gurgling boilers can be heard in the background. Coats and scarves are piled in the pews.

Vicar: Happy Easter, everyone!

Congregation: And a Happy Christmas to you, vicar. (Sound of scraping offstage as snow plough trundles past).

Vicar: Jolly good. And thank you to Mrs Goggins and the Women's Guild for such a wonderful display of spring flowers. (Camera pans to bunches of holly and winter berries).

Vicar: Now children, have you all brought your Easter eggs?

Children: Can't you tell the time, vicar?

Vicar: As you see, we have the BBC cameras here to film us enjoying Songs of Praise for broadcast next Easter. I know it's November, but do try to look warm and spring-like. And now a favourite hymn for this time of year: There is a green hill far away...

Is nothing sacred? It seems even Songs of Praise has fallen victim to the black arts of hoodwinking its audience. Whatever next? Question Time from Edinburgh, filmed in Llandudno?

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