Hugh Reilly: Tie-break question: should pupils still be told to get knotted?

Published on Tuesday 19 May 2009 19:06

IN 2009, no pupils have died as a result of either their school tie catching fire in the science lab, or being caught in equipment. This grim statistic has spurred schools managements across the country into action. According to the Schoolwear Association, some ten schools a week in the UK are replacing the traditional knotted tie with a clip-on version.

OK, so no kids have perished, but this is not the time for schools to become complacent. As a classroom teacher responsible for the welfare of my pupils, I am acutely aware that every time a child enters my room wearing a tie, it is potentially a life-or-death situation. The dangers to the wellbeing of the naive tie-wearer are everywhere; for example, there have been occasions when a particularly curious kid has placed his tie inside an electric pencil-sharpener but, to date, there have been no reported fatalities.

The upgrading of school facilities has undoubtedly lessened the threat to life and limb. I haven't been inside a home economics classroom for many years, but my best guess is that the hand-operated mangle is no longer a menace to the unwary tie-wearer. In any event, self-strangulation by mangle requires much physical effort, something that is anathema to most teenagers.

Staffroom cynics unhelpfully point out that kids in science classes can avoid nasty accidents by the simple act of putting their necktie inside their shirts. In technical classes overflowing with lathes and buzz saws, ties can be placed inside work aprons to obviate the need to cart off careless individuals to the nearest A&E department.

In my opinion, health and safety issues surrounding knotted ties are a red herring. The real reason managements wish to banish this type of accessory is kids customise them to display a spark of personality. The wild ones challenge authority by daring to wear low tie-knots with fat tails – Marlon Brando-type antics that annoy the hell out senior management teams suffering from collective OCD. To be fair, headmasters have seen how non-regulation tie-wearing has led to the moral decline of pupils in Hollyoaks and they dread such dress-sense decadence infecting their establishments.

That school managements love the corporate look should not be surprising; after all, in Star Trek, alien life forms are invariably impressed by the uniform dress code of the Enterprise crew.

Idiosyncratic tie knots confront the corporate look so desired by those who value image over substance. To the average dominie, however, it's more important that a pupil arrives at school with a bag, books and, in my personal preference, unarmed, rather than appear at Sir's door wearing a woven choke-lead around his neck.

After the classroom knifing of a pupil at Ayr Academy, I'm not quite sure if the traditional school tie will sit well with a stab-proof vest.

It may be education's dirty little secret but – Ssh! – some schools have abandoned ties altogether and incorporated polo shirts into the uniform. Other enlightened schools are allowing greater flexibility – eg, permitting girls (and any flamboyant lad, I suppose) to wear shorts. Believe or not, some edgy schools have come up with school hoodies and baseball caps.

If hysterical risk assessment leads to the demise of the knotted tie, schools should seriously consider introducing cravats as an alternative. They would bring a much-needed splash of colour to the classroom and do not need a complicated Windsor knot to keep them in place. Lest motor-skills-challenged pupils are stigmatised for being unable to tie a simple loop, school-issue woggles could be provided.

I stopped wearing a tie a decade or so ago when my neck size came a bit too close to my age. Should the clip-on tie zealots succeed in their crusade, I fear it is only a matter of time before Sir will be compelled to wear something around his neck. Now where did I put my spinning bow tie?