How to survive a thrisis

Published on Sunday 12 April 2009 19:59

WHAT does your job title mean to you? Is it simply something that appears at the end of your e-mails, or does it define who you are? If it's the latter, then the current economic chaos and weekly reports of redundancies in their thousands across almost every sector threatens not just your bank balance, but your entire sense of self.

So when someone brings out a book describing how she gave up work because she no longer "gave a shit" about her career, it might be a little hard to feel sympathy for the angst she writes about suffering as a result.

But for first-time author Kasey Edwards, finding the answer to what had suddenly caused her to lose her work drive prompted not only a journey of self-discovery, but the penning of a book – 30 Something and Over It – which challenges every one of us to re-evaluate the importance we place on our career at a time when many of us are feeling grateful that we still have one. The controversial but thought-provoking question here is: could an unforeseen job crisis actually hold the key to greater contentment?

As Edwards sees her first book published in Britain, Holland, Germany and Australia and embarks on plans for her next, she is keen to encourage others to question whether their career is really as important as they think.

"It came as a complete surprise to me, becauseI'd spent almost a decade developing myself in my career," says Edwards, who was a senior management consultant when her doubts set in, "and it really was overnight that I realised I didn't want that any more".

Surprise wasn't the only emotion provoked by this sudden realisation that her job might not be as important as she'd always believed. Edwards, a characteristically down-to-earth Australian, also suffered considerable guilt at the idea she wanted to give up a great job when other people were struggling to hang on to theirs.

Even more disorientating was the personal dilemma: when you've become so caught up in your job that your entire self-image is based on the title printed on your business card, how do you go about taking a step back from work without losing your identity?

Just as Edwards's crisis struck, her best friend, Emma, experienced a similar phase of self-questioning. Edwards reacted by sliding into lethargy and slovenliness; Emma launched herself into a whirlwind of partying, though it was clear that both were trying to fill a void of some sort. The idea came to Edwards that maybe this 30-something existential panic was more common than people realised and the theme for her book was born.

As Edwards set out to try and discover what had caused her to lose her spark and then find some way of reigniting it, she sought guidance everywhere, from friends to the writings of 19th-century philosopher John Stuart Mill to others in their thirties, who she found were experiencing similar feelings of dissatisfaction.

"There were two aspects that really bothered me," Edwards says. "One was that my work was my identity, so if I didn't like what I did all day then I didn't like myself any more. And the other thing was guilt: what on Earth did I have to complain about? I had achieved everything I wanted. I was acutely aware there were much bigger problems in the world than whether or not I felt fulfilled during the (working] day.

"I think this kind of crisis happens in your thirties because you've ticked the right boxes – for many of us brought up to be ambitious, working hard at school leads inevitably to university, to a good job, to a promotion – and suddenly it's time to set your own path.

"But it's really about delayed gratification, too … having worked so hard (at school and university], you get into your thirties and the payoff is supposed to come. I expected it myself and, well, it didn't come."

It is, Edwards says, extremely easy to find yourself putting a lot of effort into maintaining a career without ever having sat down and thought, 'Is this really what I want to do with my life?'

"I felt I hadn't made an active choice since I was 14 and picked my school subjects. Things just followed on after that," says Edwards, whose full-time job was to "advise clients on how to make their employees more efficient and compliant" at the time her "thrisis" struck.

BUT what if your career is disrupted by external factors – redundancy or bankruptcy – rather than a personal epiphany? The writer suggests that reconsidering what is really important to you is just as vital in those circumstances.

"One of the things that was really common in myself and the people I interviewed was a sense of guilt about having the 'thrisis'. It makes it worse to feel bad about feeling bad and so my biggest piece of advice is to view this as an opportunity to realign how you live your life with how you really are. That's particularly relevant during a financial crisis, when a lot of people are losing their jobs."

Relatively early on in her book, Edwards reveals she was advised by a close friend that what she needed to cure her ennui was "a metaphorical baby" – something new to focus on, care about and nurture.

Easier said than done. Discovering exactly what her "baby" is became part of Edwards' thrisis journey. But she believes that taking the time in your thirties to work out what you really want can prevent a midlife crisis a decade or so down the line.

"The midlife crisis is very much looking back at your life with a sense of regret thinking you didn't do what you wanted to do and feeling old," she says. "Thrisis is not about feeling old. You're very much looking forward, saying, 'I've got all these years left, but I want to spend them differently'. It's about focusing on opportunity rather than regret.

"Those I interviewed in their forties (who had been through the thrisis] were still looking forward rather than back; they were still open to opportunity and didn't think what they were doing now had to sustain them for ever. Life was full of possibilities, because their job or their business wasn't their (whole] identity."

During her search for an identity outside her work, Edwards investigated various aspects of spirituality, and while she didn't "get religion" she has become an enthusiastic exponent of meditation as one of the best ways to gain perspective on life.

"My identity was my career. That was it. When I didn't have that any more I had this massive void to fill and that's when I (started to think about] the spiritual side of life. I wasn't raised with religion and didn't have any time for it, because I was so focused on climbing the corporate ladder.

"It also meant a shift for me from being incredibly individualistic – because, by definition, you're climbing the corporate ladder at the expense of others – to wanting to be more connected to my community."

One thing that can't be ignored in reading Edward's story is that she was a high-earning executive when she decided to change her life. Surely that made it a lot easier for her than for someone struggling to make ends meet?

"I earned a lot of money, but I also spent a lot and I was in debt," Edwards responds, admitting: "I was lucky enough that when I adjusted my spending, I was in a position to pay off my debts (relatively] quickly."

However, she goes on to point out that the changes many people make to improve their life are not as big as walking away from their career. "If you look at my life from the outside it hasn't changed that much," says Edwards, who still works part-time as a management consultant while developing her writing career, "but my expectations have changed of what work is in my life.

"I am not advocating that people don't work. That was one of the things that surprised me on my journey, because in the beginning I thought, if only I won the lottery or if only I married for money instead of love then I would be alright. One interviewee (for the book] who really sticks in my mind is the guy who made a lot of money in the dotcom boom: he no longer had a reason to get out of bed and go to work and he was such a miserable person. So no, I don't think just playing for the rest of your life is the answer at all."

Edwards frequently stresses that she doesn't want to come across as a spoiled rich girl. For the record, she doesn't – her book is remarkably down to Earth – so why is she so worried?

She says candidly: "Well, on a personal note I don't want people to say, 'Stop your whingeing', but I also want to do justice to all the others I write about and to the whole issue.

"It's not helpful not to pursue a more meaningful and fulfilling life simply because there are other people who can't."

&#149 30 Something and Over It by Kasey Edwards is published by Mainstream Publishing and is available now