How to wean them off their computers

Published on Friday 23 February 2007 01:23

SOME things never change: the sun rises, dogs bark, parents worry.

Mainly, we worry that our children are doing too much of something, or too little, and very often both. 'Take your nose from that book and get some fresh air, Walter - you'll damage your eyes.' 'Stop playing football and read a book, Wayne - you'll never get a job.' We want them to be good at everything but obsessed by nothing, even though great success is often marked by obsession. We want the magic of Mozart without the madness. We scorn mediocrity yet demand moderation.

The modern worry is computer time, whether gaming, messaging, chat-rooms, MySpace, Bebo or Facebook, or Xbox and all its predecessors and, doubtless, successors. What are our kids doing to themselves when they spend hours screen-staring, mouse-clicking, score-chasing? Are they damaging hands, eyes, brains, social skills, literacy, futures? What is too much? How much should we worry? And what can we do about it?

Let's start with the positive. None of these activities is valueless. All, unlike television, are interactive, not passive; many require focus, concentration, skill. Games involve strategy, dexterity, mental speed, hand-eye co-ordination, intuition, perseverance; some involve role-playing and creativity. Messaging sites, personal pages (MySpace and the others) and chat-rooms are highly social, allowing young people to communicate, in writing - and we complain? - not only with friends from school and neighbourhood but also a vastly wider network than was previously possible. They make friends, often from other backgrounds, share interests, develop opinions, learn about the world, grow social groups. Less confident children can develop friendships easily. In short, they are engaged in that crucial human activity: communication. Sometimes - trust me - they even discuss the books they've read. So far, so positive.

However, there are important negatives. All stem from one factor which makes these activities, particularly computer games, different from other things that occupy our children's time: time itself. It's so easy to spend an inordinate number of hours playing computer games or being online. If they spent only half an hour a day, or treated it like any other hobby and did it for a couple of hours once or twice a week, we wouldn't worry. But it's the hours and hours that worry us.

It's a genuine worry. Why? First, there are only so many hours in the day, so, if they are spending many hours a day on computers, what's being lost? Homework? Exercise? Sleep? Reading? Hobbies and interests? Skills that will give them jobs? If the answer is yes to any of those, then surely we need to act.

Second, there's an element of addiction and obsession. Computer games stimulate the brain's reward system by generating dopamine, the neurotransmitter that gives us the thrill factor, and which is implicated in addiction. In Blame My Brain, when explaining teenage risk-taking, I highlight research that shows that, in some teenagers, the dopamine system is over-stimulated, leading to dopamine addiction - a need for more thrill, more dopamine. So? It's not an illegal drug, but a chemical which our bodies need. Fine, but it's not a case of more is better: it's a case of the right amount is the right amount. We mess with complicated mechanisms like the dopamine system at our risk, or at least discomfort.

Third, there's possible physical damage. We need to worry about Repetitive Strain Injury - 'Nintendonitis' is the amusing name for a very unamusing hazard of playing too many Nintendo-type games. If people sit hunched over a computer or console, this can lead to muscle strain and long-term posture problems. And then, of course, a child who spends too much time sitting down is not spending enough time doing physical exercise, building bone density, improving gross motor skills, balance, muscle strength and cardiovascular fitness. And need I mention obesity?

Next, what might be happening to the brain of someone who spends hours a day zapping villains on a computer screen? As I explain in my next book, Know Your Brain (Grow Your Brain), everything we do changes our brains physically. A repeated activity builds and strengthens networks in the brain. Well, that's good, isn't it? Repeated computer games must be building phenomenal networks in some parts of my offspring's brain? Yes, but. The brain also works on a 'use-it-or-lose-it' principle, so, while the brain is building strong networks to enable brilliant computer gaming skills, less time is spent building the neural networks needed for wider activities - physical, musical, artistic, intellectual, emotional, social. This is the problem with any obsession: over-focus on one thing means under-focus on another. Genius is often accompanied by a compensatory deficit, and, while we might forgive Mozart for spending every waking hour doing music, to the detriment of his mental health and life balance, will we forgive ourselves if our kids become brilliant at computer games and nothing else?

What about the violence of some games? Will Freddy turn into Krueger? Will decapitating enemies after tea turn him psycho in the playground next day? The evidence is vague and sometimes anecdotal. I don't think anyone argues that a normal child might turn serial killer through chopping off a few virtual heads. The jury's out as to whether excessive use of violent computer games really makes kids more violent - it's likely that violent tendencies come from a range of causes. Quality parenting - talking, listening, discussing - should identify and offset any problems. But any obsession has the potential to dominate, exhaust, stress, and therefore a better motto in this case must be moderation.

Finally, teenagers. In Blame My Brain, I describe current fascinating knowledge about adolescent brains. During adolescence, the brain goes through enormous physical change. It is exceptionally 'plastic' - easy to change, physically, for better or worse. Between the age of 10 till young adulthood, as vast numbers of brain cells are grown, then pruned away, then strengthened, the 'use-it-or-lose-it' principle has great relevance. It's reasonable to surmise that excessive computer gaming (or excessive anything, including excessive piano practice ...) can lead to overproduction of specific neural pathways, to the possible detriment of others, and that this is likely to be more of a problem for teenagers than for adults.

Something else about teenagers relates to the earlier point about addiction and dopamine. Any of us can become obsessed by games - there's the desire to better our score, to play 'just once more'. I've done it myself: had phases of playing far too much Spider Solitaire instead of working. It has felt like addiction, as do my extreme symptoms of e-mail junkiedom. But there's a difference: I'm an adult, with a developed prefrontal cortex. (This is the bit which allows us to exercise self-control and make good decisions based on assessment of consequence; it's also the last bit to develop in teenagers, not coming fully online till the early twenties.) While I'm not claiming that my cortex is perfect, or that I or any adult always makes the right decisions, its extra development, and my adult responsibilities, make it easier to quit my compulsion when necessary: deadlines are met, the dog is walked, the fridge is filled and my family is fed on time. But research shows that, when young people make choices, they tend to attach more weight to immediate pleasure than future payback.

So, it's not their fault and we can't do anything about it? I didn't say that. In fact, we, adults, must be their prefrontal cortex. It's high time we revisited the adage "adults know better". That's not to say we make all the decisions, or don't explain, discuss and even appear to negotiate them; it's not to say we don't let young people make mistakes; nor that they should not take risks; nor is it to say that adults always know best. It is simply that most adults are biologically and cognitively better equipped to make certain decisions about what is good, bad, right or wrong, for those whom we have ultimate total responsibility for: our children.

How? Explain, discuss, negotiate, and then stand firm. Be understanding: you are reducing a source of pleasure. There will be arguments and your offspring will be furious. They won't thank you, but the effects will be positive and noticeable, from improved school results to new interests and skills. If you ever doubt yourself, if removing your teenager from the computer brings promises of everlasting hate, believe neither doubts nor teenager. You're doing the right thing and the reason they're so cross is that, deep down, like most addicts, they know it's right.

In our perfectly proper desire to empower and respect our offspring, parents have lost confidence. We should remember our greater knowledge, and our adult prefrontal cortices, combined with the fact that we really care what happens to our children, means we not only can set correct boundaries, we must. Anything less is betrayal.

SETTING BOUNDARIES ON TECHNO-TIME

• Nicola Morgan is the author of Blame My Brain - the amazing teenage brain revealed. Her next book, Know Your Brain (Grow Your Brain) is published in November.

• INFORM yourself - with knowledge, you can speak with confidence and authority.

• AGREE limits - negotiate 45 to 60 minutes on a school night, depending on age and if your son/daughter has been physically active that day. Homework comes first - and you may check. Agree sanctions and rewards (be simple, consistent and fair).

• TEACH good posture. Insist on an active break every 20 minutes - running up the stairs, stretching, taking the dog out.

• ORGANISE/encourage replacement activities - weekend outings, other hobbies, exercise, music, reading.

• AVOID displaying anti-computer fascism - focus on positives.

• REMOVE temptation. Must the computer games console be in the bedroom? Can homework happen downstairs? Can the machine be switched off outside agreed screen time? (I digress, but, if there's a TV in a school-ager's bedroom, why?)

• ENCOURAGE your offspring to make their own good choices. The brain learns by trying - and imitating.

• ENLIST their common sense and personal pride - they have more of both than you think. Ask if they want to be weedy, unhealthy, addicted bores with lopsided brains?