Scottish spa treatments: Urban Classic massage, Urban Massage

Urban Massage

Urban Massage

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With Urban Massage, the therapist comes to you. Just remember to vacuum your carpet before they arrive

The treatment

An Urban Classic massage in your own home, £65 for 60 minutes, courtesy of mobile massage service Urban Massage.

Why go?

You don’t have to go anywhere, just book online, stay in the comfort of your own casa, and wait for them to come to you.

Our spy says

Crank up your heating, Urban Massage are on their way. Brenda M to be specific. Not only does this company guarantee a massage visit within an hour, you don’t even need to step outside your door. The only requirements are to supply three towels (make sure they are clean and thick, as one will serve as your blanket) and space for the massage table. They will even provide the obligatory tinkly piano music, and of course, the oils – a choice of lavender, peppermint and tangerine in my case.

Brenda arrived promptly, heaving her portable massage table through my door. I hope she’s never called to a top floor flat.

She declined my offer of help, and I wrestled with my urge to offer her a seat and a cup of tea. With my lights turned down low, I blustered that I don’t always sit in the dark and that I was just trying to create a relaxing atmosphere, before attempting to read and sign the disclaimer form in the pitch black. Oops.

Brenda was patient and calming. She explained that Swedish massage is designed to remove toxins from the body and involves lots of stroking and chopping movements, and that I might experience exhilaration and/or a persistent need to pee afterwards. She stepped out of the room so I could get onto the table, before commencing the massage, which was relaxing and efficient, and she left no area undone, even my abdomen. The citrusy scent of the tangerine oil was delicious.

Half-way through I rotated onto my stomach, so Brenda could work on my back, and I found myself staring at the crumbs littering my carpet. My fault for being a slob. Vacuum in advance, is my advice.

The hour flew by. Brenda announced it was over, then stood by my dining table, waiting for me to rouse myself. It was blissful to know I wasn’t facing a car journey home, or heading out into the rain. As she was leaving, she told me about the time she had been summoned at 5:30pm on Christmas Eve and was happy to oblige, as is Urban Massage’s philosophy.

The results

I felt suitably relaxed and limp, and decided that the Hoovering would have to wait for another day.

Urban Massage, www.urbanmassage.com

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