Battling, against all odds

Published on Monday 5 November 2007 10:32

LAURA'S STORY

TODAY is the most important day of Laura Mackenzie's life - the day cancer specialists are expected to reveal whether months of gruelling chemotherapy has reduced the tumour in her lung.

"This is the turning point for me and the results determine what happens next," smiles the fitness instructor, bravely. "I won't be clear, but if the cancer has shrunk then I can maybe have radiotherapy or have it cut out. Maybe."

Earlier this year, Laura got the news she never expected to receive. She, the girl who had never touched a cigarette, didn't drink and taught 17 aerobics classes a week, had lung cancer.

The results came following nearly a year of chest complaints which started on July 19 last year - she remembers the date clearly because it was also the evening she and her partner, Richard Hagger, became an item.

At first, she dismissed the troubling sensations she was experiencing as a chest infection but, as the months went on, she became weaker and weaker and the former Queensferry High School pupil began to fear the worst, especially as her mum, who was also a non-smoker, died of lung cancer 18 years ago.

After months of GP appointments, Laura was eventually referred to a specialist in October last year and she was sent for a body scan and a biopsy. On April 14, her worst fears were confirmed.

"I told myself it would be fine but as soon as I saw the consultant's face I knew it wasn't," recalls Laura. "I felt sick as I stared, panic-stricken, into the eyes of three people clustered around me.

"At that appointment, we didn't discuss prognosis or treatment - I didn't need to ask. I already knew that few people survived lung cancer."

Determined to remain positive, Laura made the decision to enjoy whatever time she might have left and fight for as long as she could. "I spoke to my consultant and told him never to tell me how long he thought I had left," she says.

"I know most patients die within six months but I'm not going to let that influence me. I'm not a statistic."

Small tumours have now been found in Laura's brain and spine and she only recently discovered what her boyfriend has known for some time - that she may lose the ability to walk.

"I never knew how serious it was - they explained it all to Richard and he never told me," says Laura. "He was just always asking me if I could move my legs but it was only a month ago he admitted I could have lost the use of my legs."

When the cancer drug Tarceva failed to work, chemotherapy became Laura's only chance and she moved back home from London to South Queensferry in June to be with her father, bringing Richard with her.

"I won't pretend that there aren't moments when I get scared and wish this wasn't happening and I do think about mum a lot," she admits. "But I have to be positive. Crazy as it sounds, I'm happier now than I've ever been. I'm a stronger, kinder and better person for this illness. It's taught me how much joy can be taken simply from being with those you love."

And despite all her health problems, it is Richard that Laura frets about - worried about the impact that the stress of supporting her might have on him.

"If I have a bad day and I'm scared, I talk to Richard. He always cheers me up," she says. "He doesn't seem to have a moment where he has doubts - although I'm sure he does - but he always seems positive. It's difficult when you have cancer as it's not just about you - your loved ones suffer just as much.

"They are there when you're diagnosed, they're there when you're ill, they go through the same pain. It's just as hard. I turn to him when I'm upset but who does he turn to? You can't always be positive."

Laura is thankful for the support she that she has been able to find at the Maggie's Centre in Edinburgh, where she doesn't need to hold back about her fears.

"The amount of times I've turned to them to talk about things I was too scared to talk to anyone else about is amazing," she says. "They really do support you - and the family."

RICHARD'S STORY

HIS days are filled with journeys to and from the hospital, as Richard Hagger takes Laura to endless appointments for chemotherapy, blood transfusions and tests - it's a hectic and gruelling schedule.

Richard is her full-time carer - her chef, personal assistant, chauffeur and nurse. His devotion is commendable, his love indisputable - even giving up his career, his London home and friends to look after Laura.

"She's not just my girlfriend, she's my best friend," smiles the 24-year-old. "And I am not the sort of person who walks away. When we were all called into the hospital and told it was lung cancer, it was just awful. I can't even explain the feeling. I just went quiet - I didn't know what to say, I didn't know where to look. I just thought, oh my God.

"It was horrible - I saw someone in my family hurt and destroyed right in front of me. I thought it was serious . . . but I never imagined it would be this serious."

He continues: "At the time, she told me I didn't have to stay with her and I didn't have to go through it but I just told her she was stuck with me."

Even when Laura made the decision to return home to Scotland for treatment, Richard didn't hesitate and quit his job as a fitness instructor so he could join her.

"At the end of the day, Laura is all I care about. Anything can be replaced, you can get a job anywhere, you can visit friends anytime - we needed to be there and I needed to be there with her. It was all about Laura and I care for her so much I didn't even think twice about coming to Scotland. Within four days, we'd packed and moved."

As Richard talks about Laura, his strength is admirable and his positive thinking infectious. But surely he must have dark moments?

"Yes, I have bad thoughts," he admits, quietly. "But then I think it's not going to be like that. I'm a positive person. You can either dwell, get down and think everything's rubbish or carry on with life and still be happy. This is the way things have to be."

But Richard does admit that it is difficult for him and the strain can sometimes be almost too much to bear so, while it's good to remain strong, he finds it helpful to talk.

"I do talk to Laura but the people at the Maggie's Centre are also great," he says. "We go to relaxation and other classes there and we chat to the experts. They're amazing as they're very positive and it gives us both the boost we need."

Richard is so optimistic, he's even having an engagement ring made and is waiting for the right time to propose.

"Laura has this fairytale dream of how she wants things to happen - with the one-knee sort of thing in a romantic session. So every day I make a joke of asking her in everyday settings," he says.

"But it is something I will do properly and it is on the cards - we're even getting the ring made. I've just got to surprise her by getting the moment right."

But while they have hopes of being married in 2009 - something that Laura enjoys thinking about - Richard refuses to gaze too far into the future.

"If I was to, I might break down - I focus on the here and now," he says. "And we don't want to know the prognosis. Obviously the outcome for lung cancer isn't good but everyone is different. We have hope."

SMOKERS' ILLNESS

LUNG cancer remains Scotland's most common cancer killer with 90 per cent of cases caused by smoking.

In non-smokers, while the causes are not clear, experts believe you are more at risk if a relative has suffered.

Survival rates for lung cancer are also poor because it is often diagnosed late with only about 20 per cent of patients surviving one year after diagnosis. However, if caught early, sufferers have a much better prognosis. Symptoms include chest infection, persistent coughs, lethargy, breathlessness and chest pains.

Director of Maggie's Centre in Edinburgh, Andrew Ander-son, said: "Cancer is just as worrying and traumatic for the family as it for the individual and people shouldn't feel they have to put on a brave face."

• Further information about Maggie's Centres is available at www.maggiescentres.org.