THE LAST SONG (PG) * DIRECTED BY: JULIE ANNE ROBINSON STARRING: MILEY CYRUS, GREG KINNEAR, BOBBY COLEMAN, LIAM HEMSWORTH
STOMPING around a beach wearing Doc Martens, black eyeliner, studs in her nose and carrying Anna Karenina in her bag, Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus makes a pathetic attempt to demonstrate her non-existent dramatic skills in this latest Nicholas Sparks-penned story. With her corporate sales-pitch performance style unable to make even the most basic emotion ring true, The Last Song is thoroughly unbearable, even as Cyrus's attitudinal classical music prodigy learns to be a bit less of a selfish brat during a summer spent with her estranged father (Greg Kinnear) on an idyllic beach resort. Shirtless boys with six-packs instead of personalities are on hand to toy with our heroine's achy breaky heart, and the spectre of terminal illness hangs politely over proceedings to facilitate some convenient third-act character reversals. You have been warned.