OLD DOGS (PG) * DIRECTED BY: WALT BECKER STARRING: ROBIN WILLIAMS, JOHN TRAVOLTA, KELLY PRESTON, SETH GREEN
YOU'VE never experienced horror until you've seen Robin Williams in a Speedo getting a spray tan. That's just one of the many low points in this dismal family comedy featuring Williams as a kid-phobic divorc who discovers he's a father to seven-year-old twins when their mother (Kelly Preston) has to go to prison for a couple of weeks.
Helping him is John Travolta as his doughy best friend and business partner, an ageing bachelor in denial about his own creaking status and not best pleased that his chick-chasing days are suddenly under threat from a friend in need with two precocious siblings in tow. That everyone mistakes them as an ageing gay couple should give you some idea of the tone this is going for and further scenes involving disastrous camping trips, fart gags, mix-ups with medication and one excruciating set-piece in a zoo further eliminate any claims this has of being funny.