Faces of the week

Published on 23/03/2007 00:05

ANGELINA JOLIE

ACTRESS

IS IT JUST me, or do you sometimes get the feeling Angelina Jolie is assembling her own petting zoo? The indecently beautiful, uncommonly sexy actress is currently in Hanoi - without partner Brad Pitt - finalising her adoption of the little Vietnamese boy she's rechristened Pax (because it's not disorienting enough to pluck him from his homeland and thrust him into her private United Nations - she's got to mess with his sense of self, as well). Despite whining about the media attention, she and her latest acquisition are tipped to be this week's cover story in American magazine People. Completely consensually. Then in May she's off to Eastern Europe to begin filming the thriller Wanted, opposite the always reassuring Morgan Freeman and Scotland's very own James McAvoy. Without meaning to sound alarmist, we suggest Anne-Marie Duff have herself surgically attached to her husband's side (surely they can write her in, explaining them away as the world's first mixed-sex conjoined twins?). Then again, La Jolie may be too distracted by the lovely Eastern European orphans to pay her cute, kilted co-star any mind. Let's hope so. She'd devour him in a single bite.

HUGH LAURIE

ACTOR

LAST NIGHT marked the return of House, which explains all those wistful grins sported by British women this morning. Given all the happiness he brings, it's a shame Hugh Laurie seems so damned unhappy.

Laurie, who's admitted to bouts of depression, has spent much of the last three years apart from his London-based wife and kids while filming the American series. They say you have to suffer for your art (and your six-figure-per-episode salary), but won't someone send the man some Prozac? He's breaking our hearts.

JAY MCINERNEY

AUTHOR

"COYOTE Ugly" refers to the phenomenon of waking up with someone so hideous sleeping on your arm that you'd happily gnaw off the limb to escape. For some, that's still not enough. In an unintentionally hilarious interview with Vogue Hommes International, author (and we use that term generously) Jay McInerney reveals his worst sexual experience: "Years ago I spent half the night chatting up a very beautiful woman. I managed to get her to come back to my place, to undress her and get her into bed. When I woke up the next day I realised that she was dead."