Emma Cowing watches Celebrity Big Brother: Terry is CBB's Paxo and he doesn't give a stuff

Published on Wednesday 21 January 2009 18:46

"DON'T you get a caravan for winning this thing?" Terry asks Coolio, a mischievous glint in his eye. Coolio looks at him curiously. "A caravan?" he asks. "Really?" He probably thinks a caravan is something you buy at Tiffany.

This is what I love about Terry Christian. Right from the start he's refused to take the show, or himself, particularly seriously. Instead he's settled into a role that's half commentator, half sarcastic stand-up, one minute discussing the environmental implications of the Kyoto agreement, the next nominating Ben because "the world is not ready for an A1 reunion". He's the Jeremy Paxman of the Celebrity Big Brother house – if Jeremy Paxman spoke in broad Mancunian, spent his days sitting in a giant ashtray and looked good in a tutu.

Back in the days of The Word, Terry was annoying, mouthy and unpopular. After three weeks on Celebrity Big Brother he has become one of the most entertaining men on television, possessing the sort of acerbic wit that Jonathan Ross lost down the back of the sofa a long time ago. For goodness' sake, someone give the man his own show when all this is over. Something about history, or music, or the Royal Ballet.

I would like to see Terry win, but I'm really not sure if he will. What scuppered Terry's chances of winning was not so much the comment about "all the f*cking thick types who vote on shows like this", but the fact that it was broadcast. Contrast his treatment with that of Verne, who was the undisputed 'star' of Tuesday night's show, with everything from his bowel movements to his disturbing screaming fit in a high chair making the highlights. I guess he's classic winner material: he gets the sympathy vote, gets drunk and makes a fool of himself and lusts after women who aren't interested in him. Shame, then, that he's also a rather dull individual, prone to sleazy, misogynistic comments towards women and with little humour to back it up.

Coolio would love to win, which means he likely won't, while Tommy should probably win solely for inspiring the sentence "for no particular reason, Big Brother has asked Tommy to stand on one leg". The vision of him lecturing La Toya Jackson on the nationalisation of the gas industry while wobbling around the floor like a flamingo with an infected verruca will stay with me for a very long time.

None of the rest of them, I suspect, are in with a chance. Oh well. Better luck on I'm A Celebrity…, chaps.