Hugh Reilly: An inexpensive way to solve the problem of Pimpernel pupils

Published on Tuesday 15 December 2009 20:20

DESPITE the risk of death, multiple amputation and, worst of all, being part of a Camp Bastion photo op for Gordon Brown, young men and women are apparently falling over themselves to join the British Army's effort in Afghanistan. This is in stark contrast to developments on the home front, where school conscripts continue to desert in droves. To improve attendance, perhaps we should think outside the box and turn playgrounds into live firing ranges.

The Scottish Government turned scarlet last week when new figures revealed that the number of Pimpernel pupils has remained unchanged since 2006 – sink me! Like every school minister before him, Keith Brown put on his best Freddy Krueger face and spoke menacingly of dire consequences for those parents whose kids treat school as a drop-in centre.

But relax, artful dodgers, it's all bluff. Bunking off has been with us since Jesus gathered little children and a few at the back slipped off before the master reached the parable's punch-line. Politicians will talk the talk, but, believe me, kids will continue to walk the walk well away from the confines of the classroom.

And please ignore the hand-wringing lamentations of those who control education; in my experience, in terms of national priorities, reducing truancy is neatly sandwiched between increasing the pass rate of cycle proficiency tests and producing a greater yield from primary school vegetable allotments.

If a close encounter of the Fourth Kind is alien abduction, then surely a close encounter of the Fifth Kind is meeting a school attendance officer. There is a better chance of Lord Lucan cantering up to my front door atop Shergar and dropping an Xmas card through my letterbox than an attendance officer being spotted on school premises.

Years ago, feckless mums and dads quaked in their foam slippers on hearing the assertive knock on the door from the attendance officer. Armed with damning absences handwritten by concerned teachers on grey attendance cards, the Brunhildes ensured the child's prompt return to school… or else! These days, youngsters know there are no effective sanctions. Even if the case is referred to the Children's Panel, the ultimate sanction, no action will normally be taken unless the pupil is offending in the community.

The average secondary child misses almost four weeks each session: in deprived areas this rises to almost six weeks. However, a hard core of recidivist dodgers account for most of the lost days, the perennial empty seats at the classroom feast.

Rather than concentrate efforts in this area, the chattering classes vent their spleen in the direction of naughty parents who take their children out of school for a week's holiday in Mallorca. In my view, such sojourns are understandable, given the massive savings to be made. If the child has a good attendance record, I see little problem; after all, seven days in the sun will have no bearing on the student's final examination grades and the embarrassment of seeing his over-nourished dad in Speedos may encourage him to have a greater focus on what he wishes to make of his life.

In my opinion, truancy can be reduced without costly government measures. The great majority of truants are low-ability pupils who have decided to vote with their feet. Despite teachers turning into modern-day redcoats and the profession embracing the concept of "educafun", many young people would prefer to follow a college course than learn French or the intricacies of a rhombus. Let them learn a vocational skill at 14, because clearly school just isn't doing it for them.

A simple way to slash absenteeism in S5 would be to end the nonsense of Christmas leavers, whereby a youngster must attend due to an accident of birth. Having served his seven years in primary and four compulsory years of secondary, it's outrageous that these school veterans are forced to attend when they will not be presented for final examination in the summer.

They may seek them here, they may seek them there, but the answers to high rates of truancy are everywhere.