Drumlanrig: Grape expectations of independence wealth

Published on 24/06/2012 03:16

An SNP person passes on a copy of the latest Air France in-flight magazine which includes a section titled “Une riche independance”; or “Independently Wealthy”.

There follows a useful primer for passengers on the forthcoming Scottish independence vote which, inadvertently, provides the most compelling argument yet for going it alone. The English translation notes Scotland’s oil riches. It goes on: “But there’s more: the region also produces tidal and wine energy...” Wine energy! Forget “It’s Scotland Oil”. “Wine For All” is surely a campaign slogan guaranteed to ensure success for the independence camp. Allez les Bleus!

Margo knows the score on campaign slogan

The pro-Union camp has spent a good while coming up with a slogan which demonstrates their positivity, in an effort to ensure that they do not get christened with the gloomy “No campaign” tag. “Better Together” is the result. Wordsmith Margo MacDonald has, however, illustrated that her many journalistic talents remain as sharp as ever with her own tag. “They are the Abominable No Men,” she declares.

Italian job leaves Skye B&B lost for words

A charming tale of old-fashioned Highland hospitality came from Labour’s Ken Macintosh (below) last week during a Holyrood debate on tourism.

“My aunt runs a bed and breakfast in Skye,” Macintosh told the chamber. “A few years ago, an Italian couple stayed there. They were making a bit of a racket – she said that it sounded as though they were playing football in the bedroom – so she went upstairs and gave them a row. She thought nothing of it. They wrote something Italian in the guest book and left. It was another year before she had another Italian visitor. She asked them to translate it and they laughed and said that it was a very famous Italian saying from Dante’s Inferno: ‘Abandon hope all ye who enter here.’ ”

There’s the rub with Salmond’s massage

Should he ever decide to quit politics, Alex Salmond would be well-advised not to retrain as a masseur. When he appeared on Craig Ferguson’s Late, Late Show in the US, the First Minister was asked to massage the comedian’s shoulder to relieve a “pinched nerve”.

Salmond duly began to rub his host’s shoulder... then suddenly thumped him on the back.

“Arrrgh! A Scottish massage,” was Ferguson’s surprised reaction.