Dishing the dirt: First select your pineapple, then throw it at Calvin . .

Published on Friday 20 November 2009 14:45

Well, well, well. Another week, another opportunity to get some of the contentious issues about music off my chest. No shortage of bees in my bonnet this Friday, folks, so let's get straight down to business, shall we? Good.

First up, then – Calvin Harris. My God, is the self-appointed ayatollah of electro-pop so desperate for publicity he now has to invade X-Factor in order to boost his flagging album sales?

Taking a pop at Jedward by sporting a pineapple on his head was about as funny as it was intelligent. I mean, how would Harris feel if people suddenly started invading his stage and mocking him, eh?

For a musician who has made about as much impression on music as a southbound fly on a northbound windscreen, Harris would be wise to stick to what he's good at and keep reminding us why the 80s should be destroyed.

He says he gets all the girls, now all he gets is bad press. Well done, Calvin, give yourself a pat on the back, son.

Speaking of cynical musical manoeuvres, did anyone else see Robbie Williams' brief appearance alongside his former Take That colleagues at the Children In Need concert?

The man who exemplified the "me-me-me" generation isn't as popular, nor sells as many records as his old pals, so his inevitable reunion with Take That isn't that much of a surprise.

Even less surprising is that Williams used a national, televised charitable event to remind all of us at home – and all those potential record buyers – that we should still care about him. Perhaps Williams should call his next album Sympathy For The Over-Privileged Millionaire. Has a nice, appropriate ring to it, don't you think?

On a more serious note, it was alarming to read reports of serious injuries occurring at a recent Christmas lights switch-on in Birmingham.

15,000 more people than the 5000 expected descended upon the city centre when it was revealed that Tinchy Stryder, Chipmunk, Little Boots, Alexandra Burke, the Noisettes and Pixie Lott would be performing.

When X-Factor runners-up JLS took to the stage, a metal barrier penning the crowd in collapsed, leaving many needing hospital treatment. The organisers clearly hadn't anticipated the popularity of those they booked, but if there's something more disturbing than their poor research skills, it's the fact that Birmingham are already celebrating Christmas in early November.

I mean, imagine the chaos if Edinburgh City Council booked Calvin Harris to perform at their annual Xmas-light switch-on? Half of Edinburgh would probably turn up to lob rotten pineapples at the so-called Dumfries pop star.

And another thing . . . whatever happened to The Debuts? Remember them? Earlier in the year, the Edinburgh band were hailed as the best thing since the BBC decided to ban Jonathan Ross from the telly for three months.

Tipped for big things by the media, for a while The Debuts seemed to be supporting every major band who came to town. But where are they now? Playing Heriot-Watt University? The Flying Duck in Glasgow? Good Grief.

For what it's worth, The Debuts are actually a decent live act, and no more than that. However, it just goes to show how quick people are to hail any band who generate even the smallest flicker of a 'buzz' as life-changingly amazing. Saying that, by the time you read this Calvin Harris will have probably instigated a collaboration between the two, hiring Jedward as their fashion adviser on a forthcoming tour. Stranger things have happened.

Liam Rudden is back next week