Day we went from joy to despair

Published on Thursday 22 March 2007 12:04

WHEN Christine and Norrie Brown were told their first grandchild Aaron had been born, it should have been one of the happiest days of their lives.

But instead of a visit to the maternity unit, Norrie was to find himself admitted to a different ward of the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary - because the birth coincided with him being diagnosed with lung cancer.

Since that day three years ago, it has been his wife, Christine, who has proved a pillar of strength, always on hand to raise her husband's spirits should they look like plummeting.

Knowing how difficult it can be for families to come to terms with a diagnosis of a serious illness, her heart went out to politician John Swinney.

In recent days, the MSP has been seen supporting his television presenter wife Elizabeth Quigley as she spoke publicly for the first time about living with the neurological condition multiple sclerosis.

"I felt so sorry for both of them," says Christine. "I thought she was brave to come out and tell people about it because that's always better than hiding. I also felt for him because it affects partners and families too."

His diagnosis was certainly a bombshell for Norrie and his family. The lifelong non-smoker was a picture of health and the cancer was only discovered when the 57-year-old sales engineer went to hospital with a back injury after falling from a ladder at his Penicuik home. X-rays revealed not just a cracked disc in his spine but also a shadow on his lung.

"I was absolutely stunned," says Norrie. "Christine came to the hospital thinking I had a cracked disc and I had a very hard time telling her I had lung cancer."

It is not a day that Norrie's wife will forget either and the blow was particularly hard given the elation she had felt just hours earlier following the arrival of baby Aaron.

"Hearing that your husband has cancer was like someone kicking you in the stomach," recalls Christine. "It's something that happens to everyone else but it doesn't happen to you. No-one in our family has ever smoked, so that was the worst thing - I just couldn't get my head around it.

"I had gone from euphoria in the morning with Aaron being born to the nightmare of hearing about Norrie at night. It was just horrible and you can't believe it's happening to you."

Surgeons attempted to deal with Norrie's cancer by removing a lung but, despite the chemotherapy and radiotherapy that followed, the cancer returned.

With all other treatments ineffective, Norrie was prescribed the wonder drug Tarceva in the hope that it would slow down the progress of the cancer.

Understanding a cancer diagnosis and its treatment and keeping a positive attitude is hard on partners as well as patients.

Around 40 per cent of the 70 people who turn up every day at the Maggie's Centre in Edinburgh are the relatives of cancer patients and a range of support services are available especially for them.

Relatives are able to access intensive carers courses, group therapy and one-to-one support at the centre, which is based at the city's Western General Hospital.

Courses in stress management and relaxation are also welcomed by the partners and families of cancer patients in their attempts to cope and remain positive.

Often, they feel anxious because they have been overwhelmed with information or they may have got to the end of their tether due to the intense stress involved.

"One of the services we provide is one-to-one support, working through issues to do with understanding diagnosis, treatment and side effects," says Maggie's Centre director Andrew Anderson.

"Hospitals work really well to support the person with cancer but often, and understandably, partners and families come second.

"A huge part of what we do is to focus on the family members as well as the individual with cancer to give them a deeper understanding of the symptoms. People often say they feel out of control and describe feeling helpless and so are desperate for help."

During the ordeal, Christine has relied heavily on her friends and family for support and has tried to keep as busy as possible. Her darkest times have been when Norrie has been admitted to hospital and she has had to return home without her husband of 24 years.

"Waiting for news is the worst part and, when we go to the hospital for an appointment, you wonder what you are going to be told," she says.

"But now Norrie's well and at home, we are doing a lot together and, when I meet my friends for lunch, that gives me a chance to get a few things off my chest."

She believes "business as usual" is the best way of coping and finds it helps to attend keep fit sessions and social events.

"I have known all my friends for years so I can just phone them if I start to get really, really down and they are all really good," says the 62-year-old.

"But I try not to think about it all of the time - you just have to get on with life. I find it helps to keep busy as possible, so I go swimming and to aqua-fit and we have booked two holidays this year.

"Even when we go and visit friends, we carry on and chat as though everything were normal. I don't dwell on it all the time, which I think is important, but everyone deals with it differently.

"It can't be at the forefront of my mind and if I think about things it can make things worse. I don't think it's a good thing to dwell on it all the time and it's not good for Norrie or my family."

For further information on what the centre provides, you can contact Maggie's Edinburgh on 0131-537 3131

WHERE CARERS CAN TURN FOR SUPPORT

THERE are a wide variety of specialist support services available for the loved ones of those suffering from a serious illness.

The Vocal Carers Centre supports 5000 carers in the Lothians. Staff at Vocal also help carers access benefits and support from social services as well as putting them in touch with those in similar situations.

Carers can also access a variety of helplines that are run by specific charities such as the Multiple Sclerosis Society, while many organisations also publish information specifically targeted at carers.

The PBC Foundation, which supports those with the incurable liver condition primary biliary cirrhosis, is in the process of publishing a range of leaflets to help carers understand the disease.

• Contact the PBC Foundation on 0131-225 8586, the MS Society on 0808 800 8000 and Vocal Carers Centre on 0131-622 6666