Court Shorts: Ready, aim , start!

Published on Sunday 8 November 2009 20:55

HE IS too long in the tooth to make rash promises, so when temporary judge John Morris, QC, outlined the court's working day to a newly-elected jury, he was sure to add a rider: "In my many years and many guises… well, let's just say we aim for a ten o'clock start."

Red handed regret

RIGHT from the start, the writing was on the wall for the defence lawyer who opened his plea in mitigation by expressing his client's regret. Quick as a flash, a sceptical Lord Hardie interrupted: "Is it because he was caught that he regrets it?"

Toupee topples

IT IS a worry on every advocate's mind, the tumbling wig, as QC Aidan O'Neill knows only too well. As he bent down to have a quiet word in the ear of junior counsel, the hairpiece toppled from his head and he had to do a quick juggling act to retrieve and replace it, and then regain his composure.

Damned with faint praise

THERE was another few hundred words to go before Lord Uist delivered his decision in a civil judgment, but the opening sentence may just have given an indication of the way the wind was blowing.

"The submission for the petitioner was remarkable for its lack of content," he wrote.

Uncommon sense

LITIGATION is in danger of getting a good name, if the case fought out before Lord Bonomy is anything to go by. "The petitioners' argument could not be simpler," he enthused, adding: "...the respondents pray common sense in aid..."

Simple? Common sense? Not words found every day of the week in our courts.

Check the small print

THE size of the print in a document was troubling appeal judge Lord Mackay, because it made underlining extremely difficult, he said.

His colleague, Lord Eassie, agreed that all was not well, but for a somewhat different reason: "It's a major exercise for my eyesight," he admitted.

Bus gets blame

NOT for the first time, the woman had failed to turn up for an appearance in court, but Sheriff Liz Jarvie, QC, was assured she had phoned her lawyer's office to report she was on a bus somewhere, although, clearly, she would not be there in the next five minutes.

"I don't think I'll be here in the next five minutes, either," said the sheriff, issuing a warrant for the woman's arrest.

Just good friends

SINCE the system of allowing three objections to jurors was changed – just looking the wrong type to wary defence lawyers used to be enough to get you excused – it has become rare for anybody to be rejected.

But solicitor-advocate Iain Paterson had good cause to flag up a problem when the man's name was picked from the bowl.

"He's a good personal friend," Paterson was duty-bound to declare, even if it probably cost him one vote in the jury room.

Not a numbers man

THE young client had done remarkably well during his time in a residential school, passing a maths exam being among his achievements.

That was something defence counsel Gerry Coll felt was worth a special mention: "He has my complete admiration...I have never been able to pass a maths exam," Coll confessed.

Repeat the question

THE witness may have been on medication, and advocate Stuart Buchanan was finding it difficult to get through to him with his questions: "Say that so I can understand what you've just said," the man advised.