Court Shorts: Easy break-up

Published on Sunday 6 December 2009 21:52

YES, Lord Kinclaven was informed, this would be a good time for a mid-morning break to allow the jurors to stretch their legs and have a cup of coffee.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to do just what it says on the can," he told them.

Bush radio

THE responsible adult assigned to the man for his police interview rejoiced in the name of Kate Bush, so it was perhaps fortunate that the court did not require to hear a recording of the event.

It would surely have been unfair and a bit pointless to subject the jury to a high-pitched whine with absolutely no chance of deciphering the words.

Football widow

THE witness was a bit dubious about the reason given by her partner for leaving the wedding – to nip home and change out of his Sunday-best clobber into something more comfortable.

The time he took to return was a dead giveaway, and the woman suspected she knew the real reason: "There was football on the telly," she said.

Dead giveaway

THE court noticeboard slip proclaimed that in the case of HMA v Zohaib Assad (deceased) and others, there would be "no appearance by any accused". Certainly not by one of them, at least.

No contest

WHAT did Lord Glennie make of the pursuer's submission? Not a lot, it seems.

"This argument has only to be stated to be rejected," he said.

False testimony

QC MUNGO Bovey was not happy with the other side's tactics, telling the judge: "This is just one of the canards they are bringing up."

Lord Brodie asked, unsurely: "Do you want me to note that…'canards'?"

Empty threats

AS THREATS go, it probably wouldn't have had the other side quaking, given that the solicitor's letter warned of "instructions to refer the matter immediately to the High Court by way of an application for Judicial Review".

"Bring it on", the other side might have thought, safe in the knowledge that you could storm the doors of the High Court as much as you want and get nowhere with a petition for judicial review.

Now, if the lawyer had known his stuff and the threat had been to go to the Court of Session, where such cases are heard, it might just have been a different story …

Of a certain age …

PROSECUTOR John Scullion wasn't the first and won't be the last to feel a slight sense of unease at having to ask a female witness to state her age, but he is surely one of the very few to receive such a precise reply.

"Sixty-two," the woman said, but then immediately corrected herself: "No, 61.9."

Famous grouse

LORD Hodge disclosed to the court that he had done some grouse-beating when he was a teenager.

It was one of those little facts he reckoned not many people would have known about him. Well, they do now, m'Lord.

On the bright side

OVERHEARD… a litigation QC assessing his chances: "I've got a good case, it's just heavily disguised."

Falling on deaf ears

COUNSEL on both sides were at one in assuring the judge that no disrespect had been intended by not turning up when the case had been called over the Tannoy.

Perhaps something was wrong with the system because they knew that lawyers in another court also had not heard their case being called.

But Lord Uist remained unimpressed by the alleged corroboration: "It just shows you there are more deaf counsel than there were before," he said.