Counting days until we're a family again

Published on Thursday 5 February 2009 09:08

THE knock at the door was unusually loud and certainly unexpected at seven on a Saturday morning.

A startled Paula Gray jumped out of her bed – leaving her half-awake husband Mark* rubbing his eyes – and hurried downstairs to open the front door. Nothing could have prepared her for what was waiting on the other side.

Dressed in only her pyjamas, Paula was faced with a crowd of seven CID officers and three government officials brandishing a search warrant for the family's three-bedroom house in the west end of Edinburgh.

Barging past the bewildered mother-of-two, they immediately set about pulling the place apart, searching every nook and cranny for "evidence", as a stunned Paula watched on with the couple's two crying children.

"I was horrified, I didn't know what to think," Paula reflects. "My adrenaline was pumping because I had no idea what was going on, I was just astounded.

"My kids were absolutely terrified. I was forced to keep them in one room with myself and a female officer and get them ready for school."

There was one person in the house who knew why the police had abruptly turned their family home, and life, upside down, and that was Mark – Paula's husband of more than ten years. Mark was jailed for five years in 2008 for fraud offences against his employer which amounted to more than 100,000.

Paula has since been disowned by many of her friends and earlier this year turned to Families Outside – the only national charity in Scotland that works solely to support the families of prisoners.

"I felt ashamed when all this happened," Paula says. "Before, everything was fine, we had two decent wages coming in and now it's just like my darkest days."

Paula is still in a state of disbelief as she looks back on the fateful morning in 2004 when the family home was raided.

The children were sent to school and the couple transported separately to the nearest police station to be interrogated. Paula was grilled on her husband's alleged activities for three hours, after being left for two hours in a police cell.

She and Mark were released that day, with Paula receiving a letter from the police six months later informing her that no criminal charges would be brought against her. Mark was charged on two counts of fraud almost two years after being questioned. It took a further two years to bring the case to trial.

"It was just the most tragic situation I have ever been in in my life," adds Paula. "At home (after questioning] we discussed what had actually happened that day. I wanted some questions answered but I didn't really want to know the gory details about what he had done."

Suddenly the inexplicable became clear to Paula – the mysterious death threat made on the family's lives just months previously, and the extra gifts that Mark had been buying for his wife and their young son and daughter, who are both at primary school.

Paula adds: "I just lost the plot really after the death threat. I was always looking out the window and I didn't go to bed."

Despite the apparent betrayal of trust, Paula has stood by her husband throughout the nightmare.

The month-long trial last year was, nevertheless, a horrific experience for the family.

"I couldn't believe it," says Paula, recalling the moment the judge delivered the five-year prison sentence. "I was in disbelief and I still am today. All your emotions run through you, you just can't put into words how it feels."

She adds: "The kids didn't know anything about the trial. I kept telling them I was going to a meeting every day. After the sentence I had no choice but to sit them down and explain to them in as gentle a way as I possibly could that their dad wasn't a bad man, that people make mistakes and that sometimes they lead you to go to prison. Their world had totally fallen apart – they're absolutely devastated."

Although the last year has been "horrendous" for Paula and her children, they are hopeful that Mark will be eligible for open prison later this year and are counting down the days until he is eligible for parole next year.

Paula comments: "I've never lived on my own before so it's been lonely and hard. We've been living together since we were teenagers and have never even separated in an argument.

"It has affected the kids hugely, especially at Christmas time and birthdays. We visit him religiously every week in prison and have never missed a visit, but it's not the same – the kids don't feel they can cuddle him as much because we're always being watched (by the wardens].

"It's horrible to think that he's in there with people who have done horrible crimes – murderers and sex offenders. It's not nice seeing him sitting in a prison outfit."

Paula first got in touch with Families Outside at the end of last year and says it has been an enormous support.

"They give you really good advice and somebody to talk to," she says. "They don't judge you – they're there to help, and it takes some of the pressure off you. It's a great organisation. Prisoners' families are often the forgotten about species and people always judge you because of the person that's in prison. You're labelled the same as the person that's been sent to prison.

"I just wish there was a wee bit more empathy with the prisoners' families rather than condemning them too. They need help and support."

Chief executive of Families Outside, Nancy Loucks, 40, says the organisation receives around 2000 calls to its national helpline every year, and added that threats on life were a common experience of many callers.

She said: "We do get situations where families are directly targeted, either by neighbours, or peers at school when it comes to children. You get people having to move away from the area either because of victimisation or because the tenancy is in the prisoner's name.

"It's always important to remember that the family hasn't done anything and isn't guilty."

*The couple's names have been changed to protect the family's anonymity.

RESPECTING THOSE LEFT BEHIND

FAMILIES Outside is the only national charity in Scotland that works solely to support the families of people involved in the criminal justice system.

Established in 1991, the core of its work is the Scottish Prisoners' Families Helpline, which receives almost 2000 calls every year.

The charity aims to ensure that families affected by imprisonment in Scotland are given the recognition, respect, compassion, information and support they require.

Families Outside also works in partnership with other bodies, directing callers to the appropriate service – including counselling and legal advice.

The charity, based on Edinburgh's Great King Street, will launch children's leaflets on Monday to help parents and carers talk to children about the imprisonment of a family member.