Coming up with an answer to problem I don't think exists

Published on Tuesday 4 March 2008 21:01

SOME time ago, I entered a room I thought was the venue for a modern studies teachers' conference. I observed, however, a notice alerting me to the fact that I had, in error, turned up at a meeting for LGBT teachers.

Part of me wanted to believe the professionals sat before me were sandwich aficionados and LGBT was something akin to BLT (bacon, lettuce and tomato). But, of course, LGBT does not refer to a lettuce, ginger, bacon and tomato sandwich – it means lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (the last category includes both pre and post op – I'm happy to clear up any confusion regarding the criteria for membership). Being heterosexual, I left the room immediately – straight away, if you will.

According to weekend press reports, the government is considering moves to teach primary pupils about concepts such as cross-dressing. Teachers will be encouraged to speak about the issue of gender stereotyping, for example, that there should be respect for those lads who wear make-up, dress in girls' clothing and like to be known by a girl's name. Further, HMIe will ascertain the effectiveness of school support for transsexuals (drag performance indicators?).

I'm speculating but my best guess is that this pioneering project will be rejected by the Catholic education sector. Sadly, tiny Tim will continue to believe that a tranny is a wee radio and a bisexual is a kind of kerb crawler.

Ministers commissioned the report based on concern that around half of LGBT pupils are bullied at school. In my opinion, this statistic represents progress. When I were a lad, any boy who exhibited any form of behaviour that did not conform to the west of Scotland machismo male stereotype was in gross danger of being kicked senseless. Playing effete sports such as badminton aroused suspicion, thus I had to quickly develop a gruff exterior and constantly refer to my racquet as a "bat".

As very few primary children are likely to be transgendered, it appears to me that we are in danger of presenting a solution for a problem that doesn't exist. In my experience, it's only gay and lesbian pupils who are at risk of being harassed. Terms of non-endearment such as "gay boy" and "lezzie" are heard around the corridors of most schools. Such a charge is directed at a person as a form of verbal abuse, not as a perceptive utterance that publicly "outs" a hitherto unnoticed homosexual on the school roll. In nearly 30 years of teaching, I've never heard "Eff off you bisexual bastard" nor, for that matter, angry outbursts such as "You're nothing but a pre-op transgender piece of crap."

LGBT kids must be the only bullied group to have a report written about them by educationalists, equal rights campaigners and community groups. It's a clich, but any kid who is "different" has the potential to be a victim. Kids are bullied for a multitude of reasons: having a mop of red hair, wearing spectacles, being obese, being smelly, talking "aw posh", not having the right brand-name trainers. The list is infinite, but lobbying by the vocal LGBT brigade has somehow managed to get the ear of the government. To me, this is the thin end of the wedge. Taken to its logical conclusion, human rights campaigners will soon demand Johnny be allowed to come to school in the slinky little black dress his mum bought him for the valedictory dance.

To its credit, Scotland is a tolerant society, and, if any LGBT teacher doubts this, I suggest he/she takes the opportunity of a year-long teacher exchange with a Saudi Arabian colleague. Spandex-wearing demonstrators regularly march along our high streets to show us the pride they have in their lifestyle and orientation. Good luck to them, and I mean that most sincerely.

But politicians should think twice before allowing LGBT activists to force feed their agenda down the throats of pre-teenage pupils.