Male victim tells of decade of abuse at hands of partner

The 39-year-old from north Edinburgh spoke out in a bid to encourage more male victims who may feel too afraid or embarrassed to come forward.

The number of female victims asking for help has shot up in recent years following high- profile publicity campaigns.

However, charities believe there are hundreds of men suffering in silence.

The victim who spoke to the Evening News asked to remain anonymous as he still fears reprisals from his ex-partner a year after his ordeal ended.

He said it was only when police charges were threatened that she finally backed off.

"When I see the level of coverage domestic abuse gets, it makes me quite angry that no-one ever thinks it can work the other way round," he said.

"I've got the scars to prove that isn't the case. I've had to go into work with black eyes, I've had my head split open and lost four jobs in quick succession because she wouldn't leave me alone.

"Of course you make excuses, maybe it's a macho thing.

"It's easy for other people to say 'just leave'. I confided in a best friend quite a bit, but it becomes tiresome for everyone after years of telling you to leave. But you have to remember that you love the person, and over time you accept it as normal, even if you know deep down it isn't.

"You convince yourself it will get better, but it doesn't and it won't, I know that now. I was scared at the time, terrified of what would happen, because I knew while the relationship would be over, the ordeal wouldn't be."

While the physical attacks were bad, it was the emotional abuse that proved the worst.

"Bruises and cuts heal, but the emotional stuff doesn't. It ruins your self-esteem.

Even now I still wake up screaming and always look over my shoulder, even though I've not heard from her in a year."

When he first met his ex- partner in the late 1990s he had no idea what would follow.

"It began when I was working away a lot, and looking back I should have walked after the first time she threw her fists at me," he said.

"There's nothing you can do but protect your head. I know if I was to lay a hand on her I'd be straight into court, even though the natural reaction when you're being hit is to hit back.

"Once when I walked out she screamed down the path that she'd call the police saying I'd assaulted her if I didn't come back. I called her bluff and kept going, only to then spend the entire weekend in the cells. It took months of writing between my solicitor and the procurator fiscal before they agreed to drop the case.

"There were so many examples of the emotional stuff. Once I was speaking at a conference and I had more than 300 missed calls on my phone in the space of a couple of hours. It sounds ridiculous but this was not an unusual occurrence.

"She ruined everything but I began to accept the situation. She never once said sorry, it always somehow came down to me."

On the many occasions he contacted police, he received no help. "Once the policeman behind the desk even laughed at me when I said I'd been attacked. I then asked him what would have happened if I'd punched her, and he said I'd be straight inside."

Two years ago he made the decision to leave, and while he knew it would spark an obsessive pursuit, it was the best decision of his life.

"I got up early, she left the house, and I just packed a bag, posted the keys through the letter box and left.

"It came at great financial cost, but I would just say to anyone who finds themselves in this position to leave the first time it happens."