Boy Wonder turns Grown-Up Dave, seriously ready to change things

Published on Wednesday 1 October 2008 22:45

HE'S A man with a plan, apparently. But, despite taking that line from Stevie Wonder's He's Misstra Know It All,there was no smugness as David Cameron proclaimed he had passed the test to govern (the small technicality of a general election not being held aside).

Nope, it was time to kill quangos and hug Margaret Thatcher. Every time he made a reference to the Great One, it had the same impact in the hall that the words "Nelson Mandela" trigger among a civilian audience. Ahhh.

The adoring fans had been made to wait longer than concert-goers at a Madonna gig. And Dave was ready to prove he was no longer Like A Virgin.

First up was a video clip showing how the Conservatives could turn around Britain, featuring lots of white, middle-class people in front of ugly, modern housing.

It had the whiff of a television ad for a demutualised building society. The message was that the party was safe as houses. Gulp.

Next were the opening acts: a string of mostly attractive young female candidates – including Glasgow East's Davina Rankin – who all tried to articulate how one could be normal and a Tory. Almost.

Typical of these was Louise Bagshawe, blonde, pretty and earnest, who has somehow squeezed having three children into a short life. She told the audience that this was no time for celebrities, while revealing that she is also a best-selling chick-lit author.

But just before one became too envious, she revealed she was standing as the Tory candidate in Corby.

Then came another star turn: Liam Fox, the shadow defence secretary, who is always keen to do his bit for "our boys".

Foxy unveiled a sombre video of the armed forces, to say thank-you to the military fighting wars on two fronts that Labour had almost forgotten in its conference last week.

This had the effect of "softening up" an already weepie audience (well, you would be too after five days in Birmingham).

Then, it was the turn of grown-up Dave. Perhaps he had sobered up at the thought of much of his inheritance going down the pan with the stock market collapse. But, whatever the reason, the top Tory struck the right tone: serious and traditional.

Short on substance, long on, well, length, DC told us what he believed in – change, responsibility – what he hated – welfare junkies, rong speling – and what he did at night:

"I admire entrepreneurs. I should do. I go to bed with one every night… I wake up with the same one every morning. She is my wife, Samantha."

There was one more joke, too – if there was no change, that would mean Gordon Brown would be Prime Minister for ever: "I'm not going to go on – there are people in the balconies up there."

But go on he did, for all of 65 minutes. And for a husky hugger, who had ditched his party's torch logo to replace it with a tree, the only remotely green thing in that hall was the glamorous Samantha's dress.

But in Dave we must trust.

For, as he told us, he's the man with a plan.

Conference Diary

GLUMMEST FACE

Eric Pickles

The shadow minister is forced to apologise to John Prescott after making a joke about bulimia.

REBEL OF THE DAY

The journalist who posed as David Willetts, left, the shadow skills secretary, to gain access to champagne parties attended by top Tories.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I admire entrepreneurs. I should do. I go to bed with one every night… I wake up with the same one every morning. She is my wife, Samantha."

David Cameron

IN THE CORRIDORS

Lord Strathclyde, the Tory leader in the Lords, held the best secret party of the conference – a champagne gathering at the Hyatt hotel in Birmingham. Guests had to await a text message before heading for the midnight bash. Elsewhere, Tory MP David Mundell boycotted the ITN News at 10 party in protest at its plans to cut more than 400 jobs.