An open letter to... George Lucas

Published on Monday 9 June 2008 22:28

With Indiana Jones IV out of the way, is it time for George Lucas finally to move on from the two blockbuster franchises that made his name? Apparently not. There is another Star Wars movie out in August, The Clone Wars

Dear George,

It's nearly over, and you must be so relieved! For years now, you've been saying you want to get back to making small, low-budget independent art films. But things just keep getting in the way! First there was the pressing matter of those Star Wars prequels, which fans demanded you direct yourself. What other movie maker, after all, has your ability to bring dialogue to dramatic life, and to get the best out of top actors like Liam Neeson? If you'd let Steven Spielberg, Joss Whedon or JJ Abrams direct it, who knows what the films would have been like? No, you had to take charge, and thank heavens you did.

Indiana Jones took up loads of your time too. For years, Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg kept arguing that a giant alien spaceship wouldn't work in an Indiana Jones movie! They weren't the only doubters either. Lots of people felt that the Indy movies are about an intrepid archaeologist digging up mysterious relics from the past, and that putting a giant alien spaceship in it would be a bit like, well, writing a fantasy epic about a noble warrior turning to the dark side, and ending up so hideously deformed that he needed to wear a black metal suit to stay alive, and then deciding that what it really needed was a comedy Rastafarian alien sidekick, with a stupid, racially insensitive voice, to provide "comic relief" by falling over and getting his arm trapped in machinery. It would be, you know, a bit incongruous.

But you, George, stood your ground. You rejected script after script until Spielberg and Ford gave up and agreed to have the alien spaceship in it. And thank heavens you did! If they'd got their way, all it would have had is lots of exciting car chases, international travel, tomb-raiding and the relighting of an old flame between Indy and his one-time love, Marion. Oh, and Indy would have been much younger, since they would have made it ages ago. But thanks to you, George, it also has a giant alien spaceship flying out of the Amazonian rainforest! Brilliant! If they hadn't included that scene, the film would hardly have had any CGI effects in it and would be all old-school stunts and intrepid, 1950s-style derring-do. But thanks to you it suddenly turns into something that looks like Independence Day at the last minute. What a relief it must have been for the younger, less sophisticated members of the audience!

Poor you, though. Even after the across-the-board glowing reviews for the latest Indiana Jones adventure (they especially liked the bit with the spaceship, so well done!), the fans are demanding even more Star Wars. Three thrilling prequels weren't enough, the fans are saying. They want a feature-length animated cinema experience that will show them all the things that happened between Attack of The Clones and Revenge of the Sith that weren't already covered in, you know, that other Clone Wars thing you did for the telly.

So many demands on your time! Never mind, you're still a young man. I read the other day that you have actually been working on your esoteric art movies, a bit, and might even get round to making one in 2009, or at some point. When you've finished with the Star Wars TV series. And if you're not tempted to make an Indiana Jones spin-off with Shia LaBeouf. Don't leave it too long, though. If you do, people might think that you're putting it off, that you're worried critics might like your "esoteric" films less than they did the Star Wars prequels. What nonsense! I, for one, can't wait.

Warm regards,

Andrew Eaton