If you don't finish your tea I'm going to wrap it up and send it to Africa. There are starving children who'd be very glad of that food." I can't be the only person who had this phrase hurled at them repeatedly during childhood.
DOES a Venus fly trap count as a pet? I hope not, because the one I used to have died through neglect. Ignoring this blip, I'm with Prince Charles when it comes to plants - they are really great listeners. But in the wider world, plants don't make it on to the lists of popular pets.
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Have you bought your Kate and Wills wedding memorabilia yet? Best I've seen so far is a pair of woolly gloves by Scottish designer Donna Wilson. One glove says Wills, the other says Kate and has a ring on the appropriate finger.
EASTER. The Christian festival that's celebrated by chocoholics around the country, religious or otherwise. For parents, it signals a fortnight when schools padlock their gates, sending their young charges back home in search of alternative activities.
I 'M AMAZED at how many different consistencies soap comes in. When you unwrap a new bar you have no idea how it will perform.
B y the time you read this, I will be in the middle of an ancient woodland in Fife, coppicing hazel poles to be used to build a roundhouse. Who said Sundays were dull?
ONE of 2010's best Christmas presents was a tiny little book called Don'ts For Wives by Blanche Ebbutt. First published in 1913, much of it is still relevant, particularly: "Don't forget to 'feed the brute' well. Much depends on the state of his digestion." If you knew Mr Green, you'd know there's ne'er been a truer word spoken.
Three minutes. That's how long it's just taken me to clean the bathroom. You're either thinking that I obviously haven't made a very good job of it or are dazzled by my speed and efficiency.
WIND tunnels. High-performance computing. Motor homes. What's the link? These are all factors that contribute to the crushing carbon footprint of Formula One.
WE HAVE previously established that an eco-friendly life need not be a glamour-free zone. Sadly, I am not evidence of this, sitting in old slippers, thermal socks and a stripey jumper my mum knitted. Did I mention the unkempt hair with about two inches of grey roots? That reminds me, I must call the hairdresser.
Louisa Pearson: 'Banana drawing now has the potential to go viral in a way that YouTube clips can only dream of'
B anana skins are a really good surface to write on, aren't they?" This comment came from a colleague who'd just finished drawing a self-portrait on a banana before leaving it on another colleague's desk as a nice surprise.
DOES a flooded field count as a wetland? I suppose it depends how long it remains flooded. Perhaps the establishment of a resident duck population would be the official indicator that the large puddle has become a permanent feature.
Louisa Pearson: 'Scottish born and raised plants are best equipped to deal with the Scottish climate'
EVIDENCE is being considered. Conclusions are being drawn. Think dotty amateur sleuth rather than court of law.
I'M CURRENTLY in the cobra position. Even non-yoga practitioners should be able to picture this: lying face-down, using forearms to push up the body and head.
From eco-scaping, to black petunias, to a shake-up on Gardener's World, 2011 holds plenty of intrigue for gardeners. And while the world of horticulture doesn't adopt and discard trends as quickly as the catwalk, there are still plants, places and events which look set to influence the way we'll garden in the year to come.
You can count on the fingers of one hand how many gardening books begin with a highly controversial statement, and Mark Diacono's A Taste of the Unexpected (£20, Quadrille) is one of them.
IT'S A new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new year and I'm feeling good. Today there will be no anti-humanity rantings about how we're destroying the planet.
BACK in the days before I became a born-again eco evangelist, I wrote a showbiz column. Not theatre, film or music - no, for that would make me a well-learned arts critic.
ARE YOU dreaming of a white Christmas? Back in those swelteringly mild winters we used to experience, most people would have answered: "Yes." I'm still saying yes, because it means I can go out and run around the woods pretending I'm in Narnia. I genuinely thought I saw Mr Tumnus the other week, prancing between the trees.
FOR ABOUT two months now, I've been meaning to embark on a fitness campaign. I didn't want join the masses in January's New Year resolution-fuelled gym attendance, but it seems that's what's destined to happen.