The comedian, actor and television presenter tells us what matters to him
• Who would attend your fantasy dinner party? I’d invite Tom Waits, Princess Margaret, Noel Coward and Keith Richards. My current favourite dish is oxtail stew, so we’d have that.
• Whom did you last text? My friend Tom to see if he wanted to meet me and my wife for dinner on Saturday night.
■ What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given? Make friends and then keep them. They’re what will make your life brilliant.
■ What’s the worst job you ever had? When I was a teen, clearing raspberry canes after the picking season. We would do that for eight hours at a time.
■ Who is your favourite fictional character? Mr Pickwick.
• What are you afraid of? I’m deeply afraid of heights. Although, it’s OK if I have something solid under me. I’m very happy in an aeroplane or a tall building.
• Did you have a nickname growing up? Paddy, as I’m half-Irish. Now my second son is named Paddy.
• What situations make you lose your temper? When people tut. If I were prime minister I’d make it illegal and impose a five-year prison sentence.
• If you could choose a profession to try, what would that be? I’d quite like to be a gentleman farmer, or dilettante farmer. We’d have a yardful of pigs, sheep and a dairy where we’d make cheese.
■ If you could change something about yourself, what would it be? I’d improve my hand to eye co-ordination. My mother and father’s families were quite sporty, so I’m not sure why I’m not. I was short-sighted up to about nine years old, maybe I’ve never caught up.
• If you could travel in time, where would you go? I love the Victorian era, though I’d have to be a better-off Victorian, rather than living in a slum.
• Saturday night or Sunday morning? Saturday night, when I’ll invite friends round and we’ll have dinner.
• Who or what is the love of your life? It genuinely is my wife. I had to film in Africa for just over a month last year, and I only just got by, I don’t do very well without her.
Armstrong’s Big Ask returns to Dave, from Tuesday 26 February at 10pm, then weekly.