My first car: Ross Noble

Published on 27/10/2012 16:00

MY FIRST car was an MG Metro which cost me £150. I bought it off a mate of mine – another comedian called Sean Percival.

Sean said to me “I’ve done every gig I’ve ever done in that car and it’s always worked for me, but when you drive it just don’t drive it over 70mph”. So I never drove it over 70. But then one night I was coming home and I was really tired and I thought “Oh, I’ll just crack on a little bit”. Obviously I’m not admitting to speeding, but I might have done 71, and no joke – I pulled up outside my house, stopped, and the car burst into flames. Swear to god. The wiring loom caught fire and I managed to put it out with a crappy old jacket.

Another time I parked by the side of this comedy club and opened the door, and because the wing mirror had come off I didn’t see this illegal minicab coming down the road. I opened the door and it took the whole door off the car and the door was left spinning on the floor. I picked it up and because the guy was an illegal minicab driver he was so petrified that I was going to report him I just went “shall we just call that 50/50?” and he went “yep, go on then”. Anyway, the door was all bent and it wouldn’t close properly so I shoved the door back in, managed to get it closed and then for the rest of the time I had the car I had to leave the window down a bit and then wrap twine around to keep the door on. I used to get in through the passenger side. If somebody had parked too close you had to wait till they’d left. «

Ross Noble plays Perth Concert Hall on 30 October, Aberdeen Music Hall on 31 October, Edinburgh Playhouse on 1 November and the Pavilion Theatre, Glasgow, on 2 and 3 November. His new DVD Unsensory Overload, is released on 5 November. 
www.rossnoble.co.uk