Restaurant review: Hamilton’s, Hamilton Place, Edinburgh

By GABY SOUTAR
Published on Sunday 19 February 2012 20:14

YOU know what they say about hitting middle-age and becoming invisible? Well, restaurants aren’t immune.

I haven’t taken much notice of Hamilton’s Bar and Kitchen in Stockbridge – which recently created Scotland’s biggest burger, at 23lb – for a long time. This place may as well be wearing varifocals and an elasticated waistband, for the amount of attention I lavish on it.

Strange, as it’s only four, but, then, restaurants age in dog (nay, shrew) years.

However, it turns out that I’m the only one who didn’t recognise this place’s charms.

On a recent Thursday evening it was absolutely hoaching. Tour buses worth of people. Overflowing. It was a miracle we managed to bag a table, on the upper mezzanine, where the walls are covered in grey, Lichtenstein-inspired mosaics.

The other diners were mainly twenty and thirtysomethings, in a party mood, as their noisy chat created a thrum like a mega-watt power generator.

“I got myself into quite a few situations in Buenos Aires ...,” shouted a customer, who was squashed right next to us, “... and Rio de Janiero”.

Wish I could tell you more, but we couldn’t eavesdrop hard enough.

Starters were prosaic. We opted for the most interesting sounding: a signature “Hamilton’s fish cake” (£4.95) for my dining partner, Rolf, and wild mushrooms on toast (£6.95) for me.

Once these were delivered (swiftly, by a pair of unruffled and uber efficient waitresses), we became a bit like Jack Sprat and his cuddly wife. My option could have been a main course, with three thick doorstoppers of crisp brown toast, topped with a beefy selection of chestnut and enoki mushrooms. On the top, a thick duvet of oozing Gruyère. A burly ploughman’s lunch. Not bad.

Rolf’s main featured a single fishy puck – a decent mixture of aerated mash, plus tuna, salmon and dill, with a frizz of frisee and a pot of tartare sauce on the side. Fine, but nothing to write home (from Buenos Aires) about.

Next up, the daily special – turbot with a caramelised Irn Bru sauce (£14.95). I had to find out if it was as girder-bendingly revolting as it sounded.

It wasn’t. But still not particularly pleasant. I think the chef was trying to do something that was reminiscent of a Japanese miso black cod style dish, with soft, gelatinous fish coated in a sticky sweet sauce.

However, our national fruity pop meant this offering was cloying after two mouthfuls and its accompaniments – liquidised pumpkin and a quartet of aimless prawns – well, yikes. I like to think I took a hit for The Scotsman Magazine team, when it came to that dish.

My eating amigo’s option – three-way pork (£13.95) – was better. There was a soft tile of Ayrshire pork belly, with a corrugated roof of crackling. This was surrounded by two hunks of not crispy “crispy” pig’s cheek and a disc of Stornoway black pudding, which had a slightly overcooked, desiccated texture. This meaty smorgasbord was fine, but too dry and in need of more than a dribble of jus. Mind you, a little moisture was provided by a potato and apple mash, as well as some tart (and oily) pieces of rhubarb tempura.

The puddings here are chalked up on a board at the back of the space. As it’s very dim in Hamilton’s, you’d need to be wearing night vision goggles to read it. If you’ve left them at home, one of the waiting staff will reel them off for you.

From a choice of an IJ Mellis cheese plate, bread and butter pudding, rum affogato (£5.95), or chocolate cheesecake (£4.95), we chose the latter pair.

There’s not much to say about a nondescript pompom of vanilla ice-cream in a champagne glass, plus a shot-sized helping of espresso and another of Ron Zacapa rum. However, alcohol and caffeine-laden hot melty sugar always makes me feel happy inside, no matter what it tastes like.

Our other pudding, which turned out to be an orange-flavoured wedge of Sara Lee-esque cocoa fluff, was a despondent shrug in foodie form.

To cheer myself up, I washed down my meal with a Crunchy Nut Sour cocktail (£6.50, with 42 Below Manuka Honey Flavoured Vodka, Amaretto, Frangelico, fresh lime and hazelnut syrup).

Bloomin’ lovely. It made me realise that I’m wrong about this place.

Perhaps it’s the young one, and I’m middle-aged. Yes, that’s it. Next time I’m going to be down with the kids and visit for the cocktails, forget the food.

• Hamilton’s

16-18 Hamilton Place, Edinburgh (0131-226 4199, www.hamiltons edinburgh.co.uk),

How much?

Dinner for two, excluding drinks, £51.70

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Top Totty

Friday, March 9, 2012 at 01:55 PM

I am sorry but I have to agree with the reviewer. I have given Hamiltons food the benefit of the doubt 3 times, and 3 times meals have gone back because they have been burnt, ridiculously portioned, just plain salty and an array of other things. For all it's faults on the food side, they make up for on the bar side. Great staff, choice of drinks, brands etc they definitely have this right. If only they could get the food right then I would eat there far more regularly.

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Susanna17

Wednesday, February 22, 2012 at 05:09 PM

*positive. I write too fast when angry!

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Susanna17

Wednesday, February 22, 2012 at 05:08 PM

I find this review ridiculously unfair. Hamilton's is one of my favourite places to go for a drink or a meal and I have never had a bad experience in all the years it has been open. This reviewer has obviously decided that she hates the place before she has even entered. She admits herself that she doesn't 'get it' but what's to get? It's a lovely atmosphere, fantastic food and cocktails and brilliant, friendly staff. What on earth is not to like? It seems like even possible things about this place, like it being busy on a Thursday night, are turned into negatives. It's almost reluctantly that she admits she loves the cocktails! The part about it not being for middle aged people is nonsense! I'm 50 and, as I've said, it's one of my favourites. I would love to see Gaby's credentials as a food reviewer, as it really sounds like she has no idea what she is talking about.

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