Lifelines: Anne Chilton On Digital Dating

By Anne Chilton
Published on 02/12/2012 16:34

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I’ve been on my own for 12 years, since my partner died in an accident. I’ve had offers of dates, but it has never felt right but now I feel ready for a new relationship. The problem is the offers dried up way back and I’ve no idea how to meetn someone.

My friends are all in partnerships and I don’t ever seem to meet potential partners. Some of my friends suggest I try online dating, but I’m cautious and keep putting it off. I guess the real reason for delaying is that I don’t know what sort of person I am now or what sort of person I would like to meet.

You are more likely to meet someone who fits the bill if you have an idea of what it is you’re looking for and what you have to offer. You already have a couple of clear questions that you are asking yourself.Maybe you could get your friends to help by writing a description of you – maybe have them round for an evening and together you could create your profile.

Deciding what sort of person you would like to meet can be harder, but the same process can apply. Think about the qualities you would like in a partner; how you would expect them to treat you and others. Then move on to the things you would like to do together, your interests, your hopes and dreams. Then consider everyday things you do now and how someone would fit in. List the things that you would be prepared to compromise on and those you wouldn’t. Now you should have an idea of the type of person you would like to meet.

DON’T BANK ON HIM

I met a man online who seems to be ideal, but have a niggling doubt that something isn’t right. No one really stood out as a ‘forever’ partner until now. He works abroad but is planning to return here later this year – he’s just waiting for money he is owed.

We seem like real soul mates. but I have doubts as we haven’t met yet and he wants me to send him money to get back here. I initially said no, then he said I couldn’t love him if I didn’t and that he won’t reply to my e-mails unless I say I’ll send the money.

You think this might be a conman who is just after your money – and that could be the case. Good relationships don’t involve threats, and that is what this guy is doing – he’ll only love you if you give him cash. Don’t send it, put it down to experience, comfort yourself and move on. No matter how painful it might feel now, the loss doesn’t include an empty bank account.

Anne is Head of Professional Practice for Counselling with Relationships Scotland

Twitter: @RelScot