Claire Black: I’m not gay because I don’t like men

Published on Sunday 29 January 2012 00:00

I’VE seen enough of Sex & The City 2 to know that defending anyone who stooped to star in it is well beyond the call of duty. But, that said, I’m with Miran... Cynthia Nixon on this one.

Why? What has she done? She’s only had the temerity to suggest she is entitled to describe her own sexuality in terms she deems appropriate. I know, how very dare she.

Nixon, who is engaged to be married (once it’s legal – one gay rights issue at a time, please) to her female partner, with whom she parents their three children, stated in an interview that for her being gay is a choice.

I’ve re-read those last seven words over and over and I cannot come up with any response other than: yip, good point, well made.

No one has the right to tell anyone else how they should understand their own sexuality. Nixon didn’t, she said for her it’s a choice but for others it doesn’t feel like that. Simple. Smart. So why are people getting their rainbow flags in a knot? “We were born gay!” they shriek. OK, you were born gay. Fine. Cynthia Nixon wasn’t and neither was I. I am gay, there’s a difference.

I’m not gay because I don’t like men, or can’t get one. It’s not because I am physically repelled by them or frigid (the old ones are the best). I choose to be with a woman. Personally, I’ve chosen it for all of my adult life but that doesn’t mean I don’t think another choice is possible. Why wouldn’t it be? Did I dream Kinsey? Isn’t human sexuality a spectrum? Why must it be fixed?

Understanding gayness as a choice isn’t the easiest way to combat bigots who seek to undermine it by suggesting it’s only a lifestyle choice, therefore it can – and should – be changed. An ill-informed, rather pathetic view of sexuality, I grant you, but since when did we allow the least tolerant to set the terms of the debate? And when did we decide that the way to equality, diversity and tolerance was to reject an understanding of sexuality that is politically progressive in order to make what we are more defensible against indefensible prejudice?

To me, it’s clear: discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation is wrong. That’s it. The end. The issue of whether it’s innate or a choice is only a distraction. As Nixon said: “I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here…” I couldn’t put it any better.

MICHAEL Portillo chose Madonna’s La Isla Bonita. Elizabeth Schwarzkopf chose herself and Kathy Burke took a laminated lifesize picture of Dragons’ Den panellist James Caan as her luxury. Desert Island Discs is peerless radio and I wish it a happy 70th birthday. While listening to today’s castaway – Sir David Attenborough no less – I’m going to revisit my own carefully chosen list of eight and finally decide on my luxury. Swiss Army knife, endless supply of factor 50 or self-replenishing fridge of ice cold beer?

AS IF Dickens wasn’t already magnificent enough, it turns out he was a dab hand at home décor. So much so, Hilary Macaskill’s written a whole book about it, Charles Dickens At Home. Turns out his interior decorating was as exacting as in his plotting: “The ceiling [should] have a faint pink blush in it – and a little wreath of flowers [should] be painted round the lamp. The paper must be blue and gold or purple and gold – to agree with the furniture and curtains.” What a man.

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