Knowing me, knowing you

Published on Friday 30 October 2009 19:54

WHAT would you say to your younger self? What advice would you give, what message of love? What warnings, blessed as you are in the present day with the gift of 20/20 hindsight?

That was the question put to a range of celebrities – musicians and actors, explorers and authors, film directors, even an archbishop. Their responses – some hand scribbled, others typed on headed notepaper, and most accompanied by a photograph of the author as a teenager – have been gathered in Dear Me: A Letter to My Sixteen-Year-Old Self. The contributors include Ranulph Fiennes, Peter Kay, Alan Carr, Debbie Harry, Baz Luhrmann and Jane Fonda.

Simultaneously hilarious and heartbreaking, this is, as Sir Elton John points out in his foreword to the collection, the perfect gift for "a 16-year-old who might like to read how someone else felt at that age. There is wisdom, sadness, laughter and a warm recognition of the human condition in these pages."

And with a portion of the book's proceeds going to the Elton John Aids Foundation, it's not surprising that many letters are full of support for youngsters teetering on the brink of adulthood who may be engaged in a painful struggle to come to terms with their sexuality.

Stephen Fry counsels: "I finally know now … that the most important thing is love. It doesn't matter in the slightest whether that love is for someone of your own sex or not." And Mark Gatiss says: "You don't know it but you're living in the Dark Ages. Things will improve radically. One day your family will come to your wedding to another man and declare it one of the happiest times of their lives."

Paul O'Grady bluntly starts his letter: "Listen gobshite, will you give it up with the 'I wish I was' malarkey…'" , and signs off with "Don't bother investing in private pensions. They'll be worthless by the time you become an old queen."

He recently said: "At that age I was always in trouble, constantly. Various bloody reasons. I was going with girls and fellas, I was in trouble with the police. I was an absolute nightmare.

"If someone brought me my 16-year-old self in now I'd put it in care, have an Asbo slapped on it. I'd just say 'get it out of here' because I couldn't handle it. My poor parents, God help them."

Still, he – in common with many of his fellow contributors – urges teenage Paul to lighten up and enjoy life. Another recurring theme among the letter writers is spelled out succinctly by Kirsty Young: they implore their younger selves to listen to their parents, ask more questions about their experiences, and appeal to them for advice.

Indeed, one of the hopes of the book's editor, Joseph Galliano, is that parents and their progeny – who are often at war during the tempestuous teen years – might be inspired to exchange their own letters.

Who knows, once the lines of communication are opened, it might result in a few kids saying: "Mum, I never knew we were so much alike."

JOHN BARROWMAN:

John, please turn off Dynasty and read this

1 I'm starting with this one because it will disappoint you. There are no flying cars in the future. No hovercrafts zipping up walls, no supersonic vehicles shooting out of garages at rocket speeds. Not happening. You, though, have kept up your passion for cars of all shapes and sizes and in the future you own some really cool ones.

2 Dream big, work hard, and floss every day. Trust me. All three will pay off.

3 Continue to surround yourself with people who nurture your talents. Drop the ones who don't have passion or dreams.

4 Finally, and keep this one to yourself. Remember the story you read in the Chicago Tribune about the two guys who invented an amazing piece of technology in their garages in California a few years ago? Despite their company's fruity name, insist that dad buy all the stock he can afford.

SIR ELTON JOHN:

Dear Reg,

You are a very young 16. You know nothing about sex – you don't even know what a "queer" is. Trust me when I tell you – you are "queer"; you are a gay boy. I made the mistake of not having sex until I was 23! I loved being with another man and felt relieved that I finally knew who I was. I made the mistake of falling in love too soon because I was naive and romantic. My advice to you is never to chase love – it will find you when you least expect it. Have fun, have lots of safe sex and enjoy your sexuality. Be proud of who you are and, as you get older and wiser, fight for gay rights – I'm 46 years older than you are, and we have a long way to go. In certain countries we are still not treated as equals, especially by the so-called "Christian" church. I made a lot of mistakes. Stay away from drugs, they're a waste of time. Stand up for every human being's rights. Be loving, kind and strong. Set an example. You're going to have a hell of a life!!

Love ya, Elton x

PS: CHANGE YOUR NAME

EMMA THOMPSON:

Dear Em (16)

I realise you are young and in love and that nothing much that anyone old says seems relevant, but seeing as it's me – that is, you, that is, us, it's worth a go.

TWO TOP TIPS from 50 to 16:

1 Don't EVER EVER EVER bother to go on a diet. I know you're obsessed and have that awful thing of standing in the sixth-form canteen trying to choose between a yoghurt and a breath of fresh air (whilst wanting chips and a cheese salad). Don't sweat it. Eat regularly, try and avoid rubbish and never diet. You'll end up the same size anyway, so drop it girl, and drop it now. Believe me – nobody cares. Diets are the best way of confusing your metabolism for the rest of your life. Just be you and get on with it. I cannot tell you how much time and energy you'll save and how much happier you'll be.

2 When he says he doesn't love you, believe him. He doesn't. That's it. All the other mistakes you make are worth their weight in gold.

I love you – Em (50)

JACKIE COLLINS:

Dear Jackie,

At 16 you know a lot – maybe too much!! You are a wild child ready to try anything once. But fortunately you are street smart and wary of horny old men (30? 40?) on the make. You seem to be handling the hazards of being young in Hollywood with quite a lot of style – but you still have many things to learn. Stay away from movie stars – especially married movie stars! Stay away from drugs – not a clever scene. Do not drink too much, avoid cigarettes and men who say "trust me". If you can make it through your teenage years in one piece – then I feel you have a long and prestigious career ahead of you.

Stay strong and positive and don't hurt the animals!!

LIZ SMITH:

Dear Betty

Now you are 16 and about to leave school. You do not see any obstacles ahead. So, hold on to your dreams because there is a long way to go.

First there is a World War that will take five years of your life. Then a husband, who will take even more, until your children are grown up. Then the phone call will come that will change your life. So Dear Betty, never mind if they laugh at you – hold on to your dreams to the very end.

Yours, Betty Smith

ROSEANNE CASH:

Dear Roseanne,

You deserve a lot better than the guy you are going to meet next year. When you do meet him, just let him pass, like he was a ghost. Don't even open the door. Don't even start the conversation. He's angry and ignorant (the worst possible combination of character defects) and if you take up with him, it will take you a long time to get back to your real self. You are not one to take advice, but trust me on this. You need to slam the door on anyone who doesn't respect you and this is the moment to do it for the first time.

Now that I've alarmed you with a warning, I want you to know that you will get to do most of the things you want in your life, and some that you haven't even considered. (Forget about dancing and medicine. You're not cut out for either, and you'll find that although you have a lot of options, you don't have all options. You'll have to pare your dreams down to what you're actually suited for. You can always go to the ballet and read medical mysteries.) You will travel, and fall in love, and have children, and do the two things you want most in the world: write and make music. You'll get over your stage fright and your writer's insecurity, and both writing and performing will be fulfilling and exciting beyond what you can now imagine. I would practise the piano more, if I were you. (Which I am.) It's going to come in handy later on. And you're not going to pick up the guitar for another two years – what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?

Don't ever chew gum again.

Ask your parents for advice once in a while. Really. They are not that old.

Sports are great for reducing stress, but wandering the beach in a bikini for an entire day is overrated. Try to remember that overwhelming feelings are the raw material of great art. But you still have to keep your side of the street clean in love and marriage. Don't blame anyone for anything, ever. It's also unseemly. Everything is not going to be good, but everything will be perfect. The best is coming up.

Love, Your Middle Aged Self (who has a tremendous amount of affection for you, and covets the elasticity of your skin)

PS. Those polka-dotted bellbottoms will come back in style. Will you please save them for me?

&#149 Dear Me is out now from Simon & Schuster, 12.99. 1 minimum from each copy sold will be donated to the Elton John AIDS Foundation. To find out more visit www.ejaf.com. To write your own Dear Me visit www.dearmebooks.com