IT'S probably a good thing that people other than me wrote this magazine's review of 2009, which you'll find on page six. Here, in no particular order, are my highlights of the past year.
1. Adventure Man by Eg White. A lovely solo album by a man who has spent the past decade as a songwriter-for-hire for the likes of Will Young. The songs he writes for himself are far more interesting, though – odder, darker, cleverer. White enjoys his day job so much that he barely promoted Adventure Man, so it disappeared without a trace. Apart from in my kitchen, where it is played constantly.
2. Franko B's show at the National Review of Live Art, in which Franko, fat, naked and tattooed head to toe, gently rocked back and forth on a swing while a piano played itself. It was incredibly moving, but since it would take far more words than I have here to explain why, you'll need to take my word for it.
3. 2012. One of the funniest movies I have ever seen.
4. Phil Minton's Feral Choir. Approximately 100 people from Glasgow going "aaarggghhmmmm" at various levels of volume and intensity. Unforgettable.
5. Cybraphon. An emotionally insecure musical wardrobe built by Edinburgh art collective Found, which plays happy or sad music depending on how much it's being talked about on the internet.
6. Stefan Golaszewski Is A Widower. Probably the Traverse Theatre's worst reviewed show at this year's Edinburgh Fringe, and my favourite by some distance. I cried and cried.
7. Actor by St Vincent. This was the year when the media/music industry got very excited about the idea that women can do pop music too. Unfortunately Annie Clark, aka St Vincent, doesn't make electropop, or wear glitzy designer clothes, or have a weird haircut, so when she made what is probably one of the best albums of the year, nobody noticed. Actor is a bit Kate Bush, a bit Laurie Anderson, a bit Michael Nyman, a bit Feist, a bit Ennio Morricone, and absolutely fantastic.
8. Test, Still and Figure This, a triple bill by Anna Krzystek. I'm no judge of contemporary dance, but I loved this. Minimal, awkward, strange, great.
9. True Blood. You know, that TV series about vampires.
10. Knowing. Another preposterous, hilariously funny movie about the end of the world. Can't get enough of them really.
I am, in all honesty, not trying to be contrary. This is just the stuff I like. Does it say anything useful about 2009? Not really, but why squeeze a whole year into a tiny box? Build more boxes.