Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.
An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a swimming race across the Channel. The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank.
Why did the nurse tip-toe to the cupboard?
Did you hear about the cross-eyed headmaster?
John comes back quite late from a day at the golf course and his wife asks: "What kind of time do you call this?"
What does Captain Jack Sparrow cook stew in?
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A match between two junior teams was about to take place but it had been raining so heavily all week that the ground resembled a swamp.
An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes".
A bloke went to his mate's fancy dress party with nothing but a naked girl on his back.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a koala?
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
What's white and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
Two goldfish are in their tank.
A woman is talking to her husband. She asks: "If I died, would you meet someone else?"
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
How do you tell a kebab to be quiet?
A husband and wife at a hotel asked for a 6am alarm call. On the stroke of 6, the phone rang and a voice said: "This is your wake-up call." The guest said thanks and put the phone down. A minute later the phone rang again and the voice said: "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, the husband said: "You phoned only a minute ago." "I know," replied the receptionist, "but there are two of you."