John Gibson: More than a bus driver is getting

By John Gibson
Published on Wednesday 18 January 2012 11:59

If you’ve just come down from the isle of Skye, bored stupid listening to Andy’s albums and you’ve arrived in the big city desperate to find a job, I’ve got one for you here.

The very dab. It’s paying up to £34,000 for a 35-hour week. That’s more than Lothian Buses are paying their drivers.

Perks? There could be. Check with Edinburgh City Council. You’ll need to have the Gaelic to teach at Gillespie’s High, even though it’s a dead and all but buried lingo.

I’ve no doubt they’ll find you a croft, ideally with a peat-burning fire. Maybe, even, with room in the custom-built bothy for a spinning wheel. No peat? The council have logs galore from the trees they’ve just chopped down to accommodate the trams.

I once gave Skye a go myself for a livelihood, as a goatherd. The teuchters had no gripe with my lederhosen. It was the yodelling that got on their wicks.

Sneezy does it

All to do with the autonomic nervous system. Don’t blame me, I’ve nothing to do with it. Docs in the ear, nose and throat department at an Oxford hospital are linking sneezing with thoughts of sex.

Naughty thoughts? Not my territory, really, But they’ve discovered a bizarre medical condition, this autonomic business, where people sneeze each time they think about sex or have an orgasm.

From now on every time I feel a sneeze coming on, I’ll flee the room. Quick, pass me that box of tissues!

Afterwords . .

. . . Here’s more words of wisdom from George Bernard Shaw and, George, I have to agree wholeheartedly: “A man who has no office to go to – I don’t care who he is – is a trial of which you can have no conception.’’ Unless, of course, the office is littered with berks.

Comments

There are 2 comments to this article

Order by:

• Newest first
• |
• Oldest first

Page 1 of 1

• 1
• Show all

2

RobertHaggs

Friday, January 20, 2012 at 11:14 AM

Incredible that this newspaper called the Scotsman can publish such drivel that might be heard from the rantings of some drunk in Swanny's Bar in Leith. Actually, don't want to insult the Swanny Bar drunk....... Cliché Gibson should retire from journalism now...but then...it should not be his choice any more. I am reminded again as to why I no longer buy the Scotsman.

• Report Unsuitable

1

SB98

Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 12:26 PM

What is the point of this? Its seems that John Gibson has spewed out his incoherent thoughts in the hope of being funny. Something he has clearly failed on. Just a point £34,000 salary for the Gaelic teacher - that is the MAXIMUM salary. This is a NATIONAL pay scale for all teachers, which starts at 21,000 (and its most likely that the successful applicant would start at the bottom of the pay-scale) AND the salary reflects the 5 years of study required to train as a teacher. If there is a need for a Gaelic teacher (to teach FLUENT pupils- as is offered in James Gillespie’s) then clearly the language is clearly not dead and buried. Just another example of the ignorance that exists amongst a small proportion of the Scottish people in regard to Gaelic. If his yodelling is anything like his writing it’s little wonder that the Skye folk found him annoying.

• Report Unsuitable

Order by:

• Newest first
• |
• Oldest first

Page 1 of 1

• 1
• Show all

Logged in as:

Comment here. Start typing your comment here:

Post comment

Please adhere to our Community guidelines

Your view

Please sign in to be able to comment on this story.