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John Gibson: Talk posh and the job will be yours

Looking for a job? Aren’t we all? Here’s one for you courtesy of this column. What you do first is chap on the Ministry of Defence’s door in Whitehall, whereupon you’ll be greeted by a chinless wonder.

John Gibson: Karen’s out to snare the poachers

Born free and take her to tusk. Here be elephants you’ll never forget. Their fate in Kenya is “breaking my heart”, says Karen Laurence-Rowe who has arrived in Edinburgh this week to draw our attention to their plight.

Nanette Newman and husband Bryan Forbes

John Gibson: My taste for Nanette’s carrot cake

My introduction to carrot cake couldn’t have been tastier. We were in the lounge of their Chelsea home mid-morning when the gentlemanly Bryan Forbes made the offer I couldn’t refuse. “You must try Nanette’s carrot cake. She made it herself.”

Major Brian Leishman. Picture: Cate Gillon

John Gibson: A big bum won’t get you this job

Ladies, if you’ve got a big fat bum, forget it.

John Gibson: A touch of class from the master

Frosty the showman. A man for all seasons. David Frost, 74, was at his zenith when we first met in Edinburgh and he answered my knock at his door in the George.

John Gibson: A new deal sailing the seven seas

In the navy you can sail the seven seas but brace yourself. You’ll be in a navy without an aircraft carrier by 2017. Ship without a sail, so to speak, while they do a bits-and-pieces job on the new Queen Elizabeth at Rosyth.

John Gibson: Where is that green, green grass?

Nice, even pretty, the artists’ impressions of how Princes Street would look if dopey, dithering, all-talk planners and chief execs got their way.

John Gibson: Pushing all the wrong buttons?

‘What are you waiting for?’, I ask myself. High time I got into this research lark. How does one wangle the job? What does it pay?

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John Gibson: Let’s put Salmond out to graze

He had a habit, did Tom Ponton, to pontificate. At length. Mostly I’d listen and pass his spiel on to Evening News readers.

John Gibson: A gab with Annie like old times

Trying to recall where, how and when I first met Annie Crawford. Mrs Anne Crawford, first wife of Jay Crawford, former deejay at Radio Forth.

John Gibson: Nothing like a dame ranting . .

Not to laugh. Having led a sheltered life, I’d never heard a swear word until I was plunged into newspapers.

John Gibson: He could make dough in Big Apple

Pies the limit. Things are buzzing at the Edinburgh Bakehouse. Baker/owner James Lynch has won an award in virtually every category of the Scotland Baker of the Year competition.

John Gibson: Castle chiefs flagging in their tribute

They don’t have a clue up there.

John Gibson: Mince and this really is mint

When Tom Willis took his shop to uppity George Street and opened his butchers emporium, chandeliers and all, the retailed trade was agog with the classic “too big for his boots” thing.

John Gibson: Pupils on song for Tattoo

Chuffed to bits, the 50 pupils in the Mary Erskine/Stewart’s Melville Junior School’s Choir who’ll play a “significant” role in this year’s Edinburgh Military Tattoo.

John Gibson: ‘Sadists’ who have me squeamish

Let’s get this straight for a start. I’m not a doctor. You’ll know by now. Neither am I a sadist. The rumours are untrue. But I’m seeing a lot of sadism in the ongoing TV coverage of the measles contagion in Wales.

John Gibson: Mind your step leaving Waverley

Hardly a pretty sight. You’re propelled, ponderously, up the Waverley Steps (the shops on your right do look smart) but once the elevator has reached Princes Street, the welcome to Edinburgh is dubious.

John Gibson: Job’s not what it used to be

THE last remaining vestiges of evening papers as I knew them (you at the back there, stop yawning) are endangered. I mean, seriously. We have hanging over us tests for alcohol using a fingerprint device with instant results.

John Gibson: That could well be Andy up there

Every time I see a chopper hover over Edinburgh I think Prince Andrew must be en route to another golfing jolly. Not at Kingsknowe or Barnton. More probably St Andrews or Muirfield.

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John Gibson: Pull the other one, I told him

YOU can go mental at the dental. My dentist, John Moore, with assistant Janis as an accomplice, always manages to give me the needle. Always rejects my offer to send my gnashers through the post.

Drawing pins would put off the pigeons, says John Gibson. Picture: Rob McDougall

John Gibson: Here’s why I dodged the lodge

SORRY I couldn’t make it on Friday night, the celebration of the refurb of the Celtic Lodge of Edinburgh and Leith 291 in Brodie’s Close in the Lawnmarket.

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Wednesday 22 May 2013

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