Angel Uncovered is the story of a model turned footballer's wife, and is aimed with surgical precision, at a target audience interested in clothes, shoes, hairdos, relationships, and nothing else.
The writing is beyond ineptitude: "Gabrielle .
.. looked as if she could have cheerfully stabbed Angel with her Yves Saint Laurent Tribute heels." Or: "Angel walked swiftly to the Bentley and got in, activating the central locking so that no-one else could get in."
The detail about the kind of heels Gabrielle wants to stab Angel with is typical. For all that Angel's husband is a footballer, for England no less, such football as appears in the book is rudimentary and consists largely of an alternative universe where there is a World Cup tournament in America in 2008 and England reach the quarter-finals. This is a book for Wags, or those who are interested in them – and their clothes.
We get clothes details throughout the book. During the World Cup, even when Angel is so depressed that "clothes were the last thing on her mind at the moment" we are immediately told that she is wearing "a denim mini, black Uggs and a baby pink cashmere sweater". Later, when, feeling even worse – she "didn't really give a shit what she looked like" – we are nevertheless supplied with the information that she is wearing "black skinny jeans and a black silk top worn with black satin Christian Louboutin stilettos". When she's perkier, we get even more details.
But it is hard to dislike Angel. She is a troubled soul, suffering at first from post-natal depression; her husband is distant, both literally and metaphorically, playing as he does for an Italian club; and there are other Wags with malice in their hearts who are jealous of her beauty and her free spirit (she goes swimming in the sea, not fretting about getting her hair wet). Even the insanely wealthy, we gather from the outset, have their troubles; and it is interesting to note that it is Angel and her husband Cal's failure to communicate that is the cause of all theirs; for this is a book that itself finds communication an almost impossible struggle.
It is when she meets Ethan, the stunningly attractive baseball player, that she manages finally to articulate her feelings; and this can only be bad news for the adoring but errant Cal. (He also has his worries, and not just the fact that his marriage is falling apart; he has a bad knee.)
This is by no means a worthless book. I have learned much from it: the inner workings of the female heart when torn between an unfaithful husband and a charming potential lover; that there is an identifiable "Brighton accent"; and that Christian Louboutin makes black satin stilettos. And that is plenty to be getting on with.
The full article contains 486 words and appears in The Scotsman newspaper.
