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WHERE can you perform an act of gross indecency and get someone else four months in prison and sacked? On Edinburgh's Cowgate. OK, the person getting the sack has to decide to appear to use their mobile phone to take photographs of the person committing the act. But that is basically what happened to an ambulance worker who was called to an incident in the Cowgate in February.
YOU know how there are some sports commentators whose voice you find rather irritating? There is something worse in the world of sport that we are going to get plenty of soon enough, and that is the sight of politicians thrusting themselves into handshake sessions with successful sportsmen and women.
IF ever there was an example of dumb management, it's the concept of restaurants using tips to "top-up" waiters' salaries so that they hit the minimum legal wage requirement. Have you ever heard anything so stupid? Hey, why don't we totally de-motivate the primary contact person for our customers? Resentful, bitter employees are always good for business, particularly in service industries. Hmm – I wonder why these online reviews say our service is "shut" – that must b
IF there are two groups who shouldn't really be made to battle publicly for resources, it's mothers with young children and wheelchair users. I would not wish to be a member of either group when it comes to getting around. Edinburgh can be a cruel, cobbled place for people on non-motorised wheels. In picking sides you are bound to come across as someone who likes to torture kittens. After all, who would deny either poor wee mummies or disabled people anything?
LAST weekend saw the birth of a great Scottish hero. This moment might have been eclipsed by Greg Norman, hogging the limelight with his ridiculous over-50s golf heroics as if he didn't understand that only telegenic youngsters are worth national coverage.
I CAN'T claim any great friendship or knowledge of bulls, but I do know about their hit, if you see what I mean. The past few days have seen the usual "thrilling" television coverage of the so-called Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. This involves a bunch of bulls being released into a section of the city where the side-streets have been cordoned off, creating an avenue down which the bulls will thunder.
A FIREFIGHTER in Aberdeen has been sacked for being too tubby. Regular readers will know that tubbiness isn't something this column endorses, but in this case there seems a worrying lack of detail.
THERE'S nothing worse than the way some wee airports ram the word "international" in their title as soon as the first charter flight to Malaga starts chugging down the runway. It's even worse when you discover that the "international" destination being used to stake the claim is somewhere like Cardiff or Norwich.
IF you had any doubt that Edinburgh remains a contender in the Civic Buffoonery Premier League, consider the following. It has long been acknowledged by public, politicians and terrified French tourists alike that Edinburgh has a late-night drink problem; for those who have failed to witness the carnival of filth that passes for a Friday and Saturday night out in central Edinburgh, helpful puddles of vomit, urine and other less pleasant material can be found to suggest the tone of festivities.
EDINBURGH has some of the finest tattoo and piercing shops in the UK. People who seek either tattoos or piercings are undoubtedly some of the finest people on the planet.
AS someone who was born and baptised a Catholic, and who has even been known to tread the boards as an altar boy, the prospect of an Orange March is something that fills me with no particular feeling whatsoever.
THE Edinburgh Festival Fringe launches this Thursday, and no-one can mistake the air of depleted enthusiasm around every bus stop as citizens look forward to August and avoiding central Edinburgh as if the cobbled streets were awash with rotting halibut.
EVERYONE should pay for what they consume. Life is not fair. These two facts combine to tell us that deliberately overweight people should pay more for their aeroplane tickets than others. This conclusion becomes important in the wake of the decision of American Airlines to charge all passengers for not the second but the first bag they "choose" to check-in. It is a practice other airlines are adopting.
THERE can't be a zoo anywhere in the world that doesn't want a Panda; they are the crown jewel of furry mammals. So it's hardly surprising that Edinburgh Zoo would become hugely excited at the prospect of getting hold of two.
LIKE all modern cities, we have a problem with gangs of aggressive street-smart youngsters with nothing more on their minds than emptying our pockets – the roving teams of charity workers whose daily task is to make us feel awkward, guilty or happy enough to sign up for whatever charity they represent.
IMAGINE a world without flowers and/or orangutans. What type of world do you wish to leave your children? And not just your children but your children's children?
MEMBERS of the public – of which I am one – have their uses when it comes to tackling Osama Bin Laden and/or child pornography. Nothing gives me a greater thrill than the thought of being a front-line foot soldier against the evil forces of international terrorism and paedophilia.
I'VE never paid anyone to lie underneath me but I have paid someone to lie under my sink. The geographical difference is important when it comes to differentiating between prostitutes and plumbers.