Welcome to my world - Pauline McLynn

PAULINE McLYNN has just had her sixth novel Bright Lights and Promises (Headline, £6.99) published, to which she brings the comic touch she used to great effect as Mrs Doyle in Father Ted.

Describe your perfect weekend

I think it would be to go to the cinema a lot with my husband (preferably in New York), do a bit of shopping and eat and drink lots of tasty things.

What would you do if you ruled the world?

Make sure everyone had food, water and an education. I am patron of World Vision Ireland, and we do a lot of work in Africa, so I have seen first-hand what those things mean.

What one thing would improve your life?

A lot more time, which I'd be obliged to use for my writing (I am very behind on a number of projects right now).

What's your guiltiest pleasure?

Sleeping. I love sleeping. It is my favourite occupation, bar none.

What do you wish you'd never done?

Worn shoes that were too small. It's given me a knobbly nail on one toe and other wonky bits.

Who does the cleaning in your house?

From day to day, it's me, really – the cat and husband aren't that bothered, but there is a wonderful lady called Nelly, who comes every Wednesday afternoon and weaves her magic.

What's the most expensive thing you've bought?

A very beautiful hand-knitted red cashmere coat by Irish designer Lainey Keogh – I live in it for most of every year.

What is your earliest memory?

Being four years old and waiting for my dad to come back from work. I was tracking the big hand on the clock to where he said it would be when he returned that morning.

What's the theme tune to your life?

'Tonight We Fly' by the Divine Comedy is always great. It's quite baroque, which I like, and ends with "and when we die, oh, will we be that disappointed or sad? If heaven doesn't exist, what will we have missed? This life is the best we've ever had." Magic.

Who would play you in the movie of your life?

Judi Dench or Jennifer Saunders or Brad Pitt. No, hang on a minute, jobs are hard-got, so me. Wouldn't it be awful to audition for that role and be told you're not right for the part?

What would you do if you were invisible?

Sleep.

What worries you in the wee small hours?

Money worries used to keep me awake, but now I worry about my mum getting older and more vulnerable, and that leads on to worrying about all the vulnerable people in the world.

When were you last naked in front of someone?

I don't even get naked in front of myself any more.

When did you lose your virginity?

I was 17, not that it's any of your business, and it was entirely forgettable.

Who was your favourite teacher?

Anne Cruikshank, my history of art professor at Trinity College, Dublin. Some people suspected she might have been the Fifth Man – she was one of Anthony Blunt's favourite pupils.

If you didn't have your current career, what would you do?

I always wanted to be a hairdresser when I was a kid. I'd still like a bash at that.

What is your most treasured possession?

I know she's not a possession (and, boy, does she know that too) but Geezee, my ancient grey cat, is the love of my life.

Who is your fantasy date?

George Clooney. I bet he is very good fun. But I wouldn't throw Johnny Depp out for eating crisps, either, even cheese and onion…

Which do you remember better, your first car or first kiss?

I don't drive, so it'll be the kiss then – there were cheese-and-onion crisps involved (see above), an element I now regret.

What do you think of celebrity?

It's a bit devalued, now you don't need talent to be famous. But, like everyone else, I gobble up the gossip on the latest person getting their 15 minutes.