Experts reveal how to find ways to let your child become more independent

Experts have revealed how best to find ways to ‘let your child go’ so they can develop their independence.

A study of 1,300 parents of six to 16-year-olds found 59 per cent have struggled to give their child more freedom, due to worries about their health and safety and whether they are too young.

Others are concerned about letting them go over fears they won’t make sensible choices (39 per cent), they’ll grow up too quickly (34 per cent) or that their health, nutrition and wellbeing will suffer (28 per cent).

But parenting expert Olivia Edwards claims it’s important for parents to recognise that their role is to support and guide their child to help them navigate life successfully – and that they won’t always be there to tackle challenges for them. 

And giving children independence can help them to adapt and build their resilience through personal experience. 

To help parents adjust, she advises starting small to not only get your child used to doing something for themselves but also making it easier to start letting go of some elements of control, such as asking them to lay the table or wash the vegetables before moving on to preparing meals. 

Role modelling can also help children learn while also reassuring parents that they are ready to do something alone, whether that’s making omething to eat without help or walking to school alone. 

The advice comes after a study, commissioned by vitamin supplement company Vitabiotics Wellkid, found parents believe kids should be able to play in the garden unsupervised from the age of eight, and pick out their own snacks once they turn 10. 

The parents also considered children to be old enough to pack their own lunch box from 11, use the internet unsupervised after turning 12 and have a social media account from 13. 

Parents found some of the hardest decisions for giving independence to children aged six to 11 to be letting them go out with friends unsupervised (41 per cent), when they can walk to school with friends (36 per cent) and having access to electronic devices and the internet (36 per cent).  

And for older children aged 12-16, letting the child stay home while the parents were out (38 per cent) and letting them have a social media account (37 per cent) were the most difficult.

Oliva Edwards, from www.thepositiveparentcoach.co.uk, said: "Getting the balance right between wanting to protect your child as well as preparing them for the world can be hard.

“We all want our children to grow up to be confident, independent and resilient adults and this starts in childhood by giving them opportunities to learn, make good decisions as well as make mistakes, and to grow. But it’s a lot easier said than done. 

“Allowing children to do things for themselves can make parents feel they aren’t needed anymore and reminds them how much their child has grown and how quickly time is passing by.

“It can be helpful for parents to reframe this as what a great job they are doing in fostering important life skills in their children and knowing that their child can always come back to them for help if they need it.”

Embracing freedom

The study also found 53 per cent weren’t prepared for the emotional wrench of giving their children more independence.

And while 30 per cent want their child to be independent when it comes to their food and diet, 54 per cent worry about the health and nutritional impacts.

Despite this, almost every parent polled (99 per cent), via OnePoll, think it’s important to give their child more independence, with 63 per cent believing it helps them develop their decision-making skills. 

More than half (55 per cent) think it helps with their social development and interpersonal skills while the same percentage also think it allows them to discover who they are.