Road test: We drive the Ferrari California to California (Falkirk)

“Mister, is that a Ferrari California?” asks an urchin from across the street.

“It is,” I reply. “You know your cars.”

“Is that why you’re taking pics of it here? Cos it’s a California and we’re in California?”

“Ten out of ten.”

The boy punches the air in celebration and runs off, glancing over his shoulder with every fifth step to make certain the car is still there.

Five minutes later, he is back, a posse of friends trailing in his wake. One of them swigs from a bottle of something fizzy that’s sure to stain if spilled, another wears a mix of mucus and lollipop shrapnel. Then the big lad – because there’s always a big lad – teeters into view on a child’s scooter that’s five sizes too small.

Now-now gents, give the car some space. Park your scooter over there – WAY over there – and afford the shimmering Blu Tour de France paintwork the respect it deserves. And don’t, whatever you do, get any of that carbonated gut-rot on the Blu Scuro premium leather upholstery. The cross-stitching on the seats and doors is a £4,152 option, dontcha know?

They don’t know, and they don’t care. They’re not even listening. They are snot-faced, sweet-covered moths, and the Ferrari is their flame. Welcome to California, California.

HOME COUNTIES, 24 HOURS EARLIER

“Welcome to Slough Trading Estate,” sniggers the taxi driver as he whisks Scotsman Motors’ two-man team from Heathrow to the heart of David Brent country. “It’s every bit as exciting as it looks,” he adds, sweeping a dismissive hand towards some low-rise industrial units and cursing at the traffic lights.

“It’s not really the sort of place you’d expect to find a Ferrari,” he continues. Then, with a mixture of mockery and pity, he adds: “And definitely not the sort of place you’d want to spend all day driving a Ferrari. What a waste!”

Time to nip his sneering tone in the bud. “We’re not here to drive a Ferrari round Slough. We’re driving it to California.”

That’s put his gas at a peep. He wants an explanation but, before we can elaborate, we’re at the front door of Ferrari North Europe’s GB HQ. Ciao!

THE BACK DOOR OF FERRARI NORTH EUROPE’S GB HQ, SOME MINUTES LATER